Abduction [2011]

[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]

Last Monday's movie was pulled directly from the category of "big budget films with less than a 10% rating on Rotten Tomatoes": the Taylor Lautner vehicle (see: desperate attempt to escape "Twilight") "Abduction". This bottom-of-the-barrel action movie starts when the main character happens to come across himself on a missing children website and starts wondering the important things like, "Why are there only two baby pictures of me?" and "Why am I Native American but neither of my parents are?" Suddenly everyone wants to shoot at him, no one can be trusted except Sigourney Weaver, and he has to spend a lot of time hiding in the woods and on trains with the literal girl-next-door who recently broke up with her boyfriend for talking about nothing but football. It's like they totally understand teenagers, you guys. Curiously, said Love Interest Not Essential To Story even gets tied up at one point and manages to escape on her own, thus proving that she isn't completely dead weight but can't even be used as a cliche plot device. The writing is stupid, the acting is mostly phoned in (Lautner cannot cry on demand without it being hilarious), and somehow every room manages to have at least 20 lamps turned on and still be too dark to see anything. But the worst part? No one got abducted. Not a single character.

Also notable: There was a song in it called "Blame It On The Boom Boom."