Our plot starts with a bunch of native people in the rain forest of Brazil dancing and doing capoeira to a song that just says "capoeira" over and over again. That's kind of the vibe of all the music that isn't the theme song. There's another song later on that's just the word "lambada" over and over again because that's the name of the dance. Suddenly their festivities are ruined by a bulldozer driven by a white man in a cowboy hat. He has bought the forest and is here to destroy it. In response, the chief's daughter, the whitest person in the village and the only one who speaks English, decides to go to LA to confront this man about him destroying her land. That seems to be about the extent of her plan, but she does bring her shaman with her who has an insane howl. The princess, Nisa, is played by Laura Harring, then know as the first Hispanic Miss USA but to us she will always be Rita in Mulholland Drive, my favorite David Lynch movie. She is found sleeping near a fountain by a Hispanic maid who gets her a job working for a rich family in Beverly Hills. They have a lazy son about her age who only cares about going to the club to dance and so after he sees her dancing in her room, he takes her out. Many racist comments from his friends and others ensue because they've apparently never seen a woman who doesn't have blond hair before. When the parents find out and discuss plans to fire her, Nisa runs away and goes into a club that she thinks might be a place she could get a dancing job but it's basically a front of a brothel and she's immediately scouted for sex trafficking. Rich Boy's friends find her there and after harassing her, Rich Boy goes there to save her. For some reason they decide that the solution to her homeland being deforested is to win a dance competition so she can use the platform to call out the company destroying her home. Did you forget that this was about saving the rain forest? Because the movie seemed to.
We get a short training montage where we are treated to eyesore after eyesore of 80s men's fashion contrasted with 80s women's fashion that is surprisingly okay. Then suddenly we are at the competition where the only competitors seem to be Rich Boy's Racist Ex with a crunchy frizz halo and her partner who are kind of better than our leads. In spite of this, the leads win and Nisa finally has an ugly 80s hairstyle after managing to go the whole movie as the only woman with good hair. After winning but before their official performance, Nisa is kidnapped by Evil Cowboy Hat Capitalist after a tip off from the Racist Ex. He takes her to a club he seemingly plans on running, puts her onstage in her sex trafficking dress and asks her to do her sexy dance for him. We were confused why he was doing this - personal pleasure? humiliation? - but it seemed like he was just confused about her purposes in America and was offering her an audition for a dancing job. She uses the dance to seduce and trick him so she can escape with Rich Boy. They make it to their performance, which is going to be broadcast along with a band called Kid Creole (the John Waters look-alike) and The Coconuts, but Rich Boy hurts his ankle in their escape. Thankfully the shaman shows up with Nisa's father who has just arrived in America and fixes the ankle with snake venom. Sure, solve one problem with a bigger problem. Makes sense. They dance and when it's over Nisa talks about how they all need to boycott the evil company destroying her home. And no rain forest was ever destroyed again.
From the wildly different levels of conflict to the fashion to the melodrama, this film is a delight from start to finish. I will be unironically rocking out to "Lambada" by Kaoma.
Spoon Rating: 6
