Rapsittie Kids Believe In Santa [2002]

[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]

We've got a new Christmas tradition: "Rapsittie Kids Believe In Santa."

This movie, if you could call it that as it's only 45 minutes long, is atrocious in the best possible way. The plot is pretty simple: kid gives teddy bear his dead mom gave him to his crush for Christmas. Girl is a jerk and throws it away. Girl realizes that was an awful thing to do and retrieves it. Girl gives kid her best present on Christmas day. The moral is the same moral as every Christmas story (except "Saving Christmas"). What makes this movie so special is that it is some of the worst animation in existence. Yes, worst than "Foodfight." Characters laugh and look like they're vomiting. A girl's arms pass through her body so it looks like she's cutting off her neck. Everyone looks like they're moonwalking or levitating because their feet aren't animated to move on ground. The eyes are so dead. SO DEAD. And did I mention it's a musical too? And the bad dialogue? 

This is a masterpiece.

Quote:
"I'm gonna get you, Smitty. I'm gonna take your sandwich."

Spoon Rating: 8

The Robot Vs. The Aztec Mummy [1958]

[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]

So grad school continues to have a direct effect on the ability of half of the bad movie night to actually engage in the films. There are only two more weeks so hold on. Instead of watch what is sure to be a favorite, "Singham 2," we decided to do a double feature of things that are only about an hour. Our first movie, "Robot Vs. The Aztec Mummy," is a dubbed Mexican horror film that pretty much followed a lot of the plot of the unmemorable "Wrestling Women Vs. The Aztec Mummy."

The plot of this movie is about 75% flashback. We are told of some kind of magical breastplate that a doctor and his collegues went to find but . . . mummy. There's also some plot about a girl being telepathically controlled. So much of this movie is flashback, we spent most of the movie waiting for the movie to start. Particularly when the title is "Robot Vs. The Aztec Mummy," there's gotta be some robot eventually, right? Not until the last 15 minutes of the film, but oh, those fifteen minutes. When the mad scientist, who has made a robot using human parts for some odd reason, finally reveals his robot that he has been hyping up, it looks like something made by a fourth grader for Halloween. Then we got 20 seconds of solid gold when the robot and the mummy fight and the mummy basically tears the robot to pieces. It's in the last two minutes of the film and it's the only thing worth watching.

Quote:
"You'll go up to your room and you'll go to sleep, and when you awaken you will act quite normally."

Spoon Rating: 2

REWATCH: No Retreat, No Surrender [1986]

As graduate school winds down for Sarah and Kay, the need to mostly do rewatches increases until finals are over. It had been quite a long time since "No Retreat, No Surrender," a movie that acted like Van Damme was the lead even though he maybe had 15 minutes of screentime while some Bruce Lee-obsessed teen was actually running the show. He did karate, worshipped Bruce Lee's grave, made a token black friend, had a very long montage with the ghost of Bruce Lee (played by a man who neither looked nor sounded like Bruce Lee), and eventually triumped in the end. And did a lot of retreating and surrendering. Ironically.