REWATCH: Various Shorts & The Pricemaster [2001]

Today was a special night because John, my friend and coworker, finally came to a movie night! Because we did a vertical drama last time, we decided to do a collection of shorts and favorite commercials including "Instant Adoring Boyfriend," the Game Crazy training video, a "Rainbow Sponge" compilation, "You Could Stop At Five Or Six Stores," Mike's Golf, Eagleman, Phil Davidson, Cami Secret, the Uroclub, Tiddy Bear, Booty Pop, etc. 

The highlight was a video John offered up called "The Pricemaster." To be clear, it wasn't bad but a delightful piece of performance art that immediately became a part of our obscure set of BMN phrases. The film starts with a quote from "The Medium is the Message" and a short cold open that clearly lays out that the medium is "garage sale." At this garage sale in Texas, there is a small stage for the Pricemaster: a figure clad in a red balaclava, gold mask, silver jacket, and red harem pants with Togo-esque structure. He speaks into a booming, reverb mic a few key phrases including "Make me an offer" and "I am the pricemaster." Whenever someone makes an offer, he raises it by hundreds, thousands, or millions of dollars. He also repeats those same phrases in Spanish. Sometimes he does weird, slow dance moves. No one buys anything. He is flanked by a sign that says "Thank you for shopping here. Your business is appreciated" but no business happens. It's beautiful.

No spoons but probably 4/5 stars. 

Falling For My Ex's Mafia Dad [2026]

We'll stop the vertical dramas when they stop delivering and honestly, there's no slowing down this crazy train.

The literal second line of the film was something about the main character, Fay,  being a virgin so you know exactly where this one stands. A psych grad student catches her boyfriend making out with a male waiter and dumps him, only to interview his mafia boss father in prison later that day. The boss, named Kent, gets out and then basically forces an engagement between Fay and his son (who he doesn't know is gay) in spite of the fact that he very obviously wants to screw her. This engagement is forced because he discovers she is the biological daughter of some other boss and this alliance will be good for him. This throws her into the mafia world, but most specifically, the world of her and Kent dancing around each other forever. He even whips her as part of an "interrogation" and they're both into it. Finally the son gets caught with his secret boyfriend, he is not good at hiding, and there's a valid reason for the engagement to be called off even though the son still wants it on because he won't inherit the fortune without producing an heir. In turn, Kent offers Fay a mistress contract for 5 million and she agonizes over it. We all were confused how this was not just the best of all worlds - sex with the guy she wants to sex and a bunch of money - but that was where the virgin thing comes in again. Thankfully, Fay's stripper sister is on our side and Fay gives in and we get some softcore and very light BDSM. Some convoluted mafia stuff happens and the film ends with Fay resolving to leave after Kent ripped up their contract but she crumples to the floor saying, "I love him" and we get a To Be Continued. Why does she love him? Honestly who knows? He has proven himself to be a terrible person, which was all the more reason to us why she should just have transactional sex with him.

This film was hilarious. So many lines were insane. The actors were all the same general age but they put grey in the lead guy's hair to unsuccessfully make him look older. Note: I thought he was from 30 Years Frozen, 3 Brothers Regret but apparently he was from Pregnant By My Tough Daddy CEO so I was right that we've seen him before but I had the wrong film. Everyone's got issues that could probably be solved very simply but they don't so the plot just circles a drain for a while until it decides to end. 

Will we watch the sequel? Absolutely, but I don't think it could top this. 

Spoon Rating: 8 

The Secret Cinema [1968], Mercury Men Attack on Earth [2026], The House In The Middle [1954], Why Study Home Economics? [1955], and The Haunted Lamp

 This night was a series of shorts so let's go through them quickly!

The Secret Cinema is a short film that is basically proto-Truman Show. A woman named Jane finds out that she life is being made into a multi-part movie series and that she's being manipulated by her boyfriend, boss, coworker, and therapist to make the show more interesting. She ends up in an asylum with the implication that the therapist is going to turn the camera on the coworker next.

The acting was camp but didn't exactly feel like it was always supposed to be.

Spoon Rating: 3

The highlight of the night was Mercury Men Attack on Earth a film that was more than half AI and completely the vision of a man who looks and acts like Tommy Wiseau but with the eye for direction and effects of Neil Breen. Truly a valuable discovery for us. The film is just: aliens try to take over Earth and this one dude in India saves the world. Also, it's overly racist, poorly dubbed and written, and again, mostly AI. Nonstop what. A must watch.

Spoon Rating: 9
 

This 1950s propaganda film insists that if you keep your house clean, well painted, and attractive, it will literally save your property if it is attacked by nuclear weapons. I guess those tests in the Arizona desert don't lie. I mean, you'll be toast but at least your house will still be standing on its completely uninhabitable land, right? 

Spoon Rating: 5
 

While on the topic of 1950s conservatism, let us ask why we should study home economics? While this movie does try ever so slightly to not push gender roles and a prescribed future, the answer really does boil down to "you will be married with kids one day so you should learn this stuff and your mom only has so much time to teach you." The unfortunate thing is, the majority of the lessons described in the video actually would be valuable for both men and women to learn just to exist as responsible humans one day and it seems like most parents don't bother to or don't know how to teach them.

Spoon Rating: 2

The final, very short film which I don't have a photo for was just a quick and intentionally silly horror film that looked like a student film. No shade to the makers. It was neither bad nor good.