Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 [1987]

[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]

We started our holiday-themed Bad Movie Night with a rewatch of "Rapsittie Street Kids: Believe In Santa" which we have actually watched every year since our first viewing two years ago. It never really stops being an unnerving experience. After that we had a presumed winner with "Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2." This film is most famous for the "garbage day!" scene that was a huge meme about ten years ago but none of us realized that at the beginning of the film. It's worth noting that as amazing as the "garbage day" scene is in isolation, it actually isn't the only highlight of the film and watching it will in no way ruin your viewing experience as long as you commit to it.

The first 40 minutes or so are a framing narrative of Ricky, the most dramatic man in prison, explaining his brother's back story and then 30 minutes or so of his own back story. Their parents were killed by a crazy man in a Santa costume and this gave them both a complex that followed them into an orphanage with an S&M obsessed Mother Superior (I exaggerate slightly but aren't all Catholics just kind of Like That; don't come at me; half of us were raised Catholic). Billy, the older brother, was not treated like someone who has very specific triggers and instead he was frequently exposed to Christmas things, which led to him becoming a killing Santa himself. Billy is actually mostly triggered by witnessing sexual encounters. He kills all his coworkers at a shop after he stumbles on two of them fooling around and then a random couple he finds. The deaths are comically violent like impaling someone on a deer head. The police suspect he will go back to the orphanage for revenge and they accidentally kill the deaf janitor dressed as Santa who we never met. They get Billy in the end though and the plot shifts to Ricky. 

Ricky was adopted by a Jewish family so clearly that was an improvement, but still his triggers were never dealt with. He has a freakout as a child when he sees nuns followed by a velvety red fabric reminiscent of Santa's coat. Later after the death of his foster father, Ricky kills an attempted rapist he finds in the forest by running him over with a car. Things may be turning around for him when he meets a girl named Jennifer and has his first awkward sexual encounter. All this really does is refocus his trigger from sex to the color red. He kills some New Wave guy who is his girlfriend's ex by electrocuting him with his car and then offs his girlfriend who is dressed somewhat nun-like at the time. This leads to the killing spree (and garbage day) that lands him in prison. We realize he has killed the therapist with the recorder tape and goes out to get revenge on the Mother Superior in the final act. He decapitates her but dies himself dressed as Santa.

This movie is excellent. It is held up almost entirely by the over-the-top performance of the actor playing Ricky, but his work is so perfect that it is a must watch. There are some silly deaths and a evil nun but it all comes back to Ricky's eyebrows and inflection. I could list a bunch of quotes from him but text would never really convey why those lines are so amazing unless you watch it. It's a rewatch for sure.

Quote:
Ricky: I've never told anyone this before.
Therapist: Let it out.
Ricky: HERE IT COMES!

Spoon Rating: 8

Broken Arrow [1996]

[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]

Because of the weather, Erik couldn't make it to movie night this time so we all had it in our minds to watch something that probably wouldn't be a hall-of-famer. Our instinct was right to delve into Sarah's childhood for this action movie nonsense: "Broken Arrow." It was likely another favorite of her father's (the man who brought us "Baby's Day Out" and "Undercover Blues") but we can't confirm that one. Already there was trepidation at the John Travolta-Christian Slater casting combo pack but the moment we knew we were in trouble was when we saw "A John Woo Film" right at the beginning and Adam and Kay let out primal groans of people who know what to expect.

Writing up the plot of this movie is ultimately not a very useful endeavour since it's nearly two hours of running around and explosions in southern Utah without any real depth or intrigue. John Travolta plays a crazy man with no character development who steals a nuclear bomb so he can blackmail the government and then, "invest 5% in Volvo, the safest automobile in the world." His one rule as a chaotic neutral is to endorse products. Christian Slater is trying to stop him with the help of a female park ranger who doesn't do anything of substance. We get a lot of nice shots of Glen Canyon and Lake Powell and some really hammy acting from Travolta who never met a piece of scenery he didn't wish to consume whole like a snake, but otherwise the film is a little boring (unless you're Sarah, who loved it; bless her nostalgia goggles).

The one thing that probably could have improved our experience was playing John Woo bingo, but we had no idea it was one of his movies until we were too far in. I can tell you though that there were no shots of doves flying, likely a byproduct of the location. Next week as long as everyone is present we will probably be doing a rewatch of something we know will be good as a palate cleanser.

Spoon Rating: 3.5

Hawk: Warrior Of The Wheelzone [1991]

[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]

Let me point out first of all that the picture to the right is not a picture of the cover of "Hawk: Warrior of the Wheelzone." That doesn't appear to exist. Instead it is a picture of the cover of "The Legend of the Roller Blade Seven" because the history of the "Roller Blade Seven" movies is long and nonsensical. Donald G. Jackson and Scott Shaw used the footage they shot from their zen, script-less movie to make "The Roller Blade Seven" and "Return of the Roller Blade Seven." They then merged the two into a presumably more coherent film called "The Legend of the Roller Blade Seven." "Hawk: Warrior of the Wheelzone" is seemingly a remake of that merged film. The result is that it's a lot more coherent than the two original movies, but that makes it only really interesting to a "Roller Blade" completionist.

The beginning of the plot is identical to that of "The Roller Blade Seven." Sister Sparrow of the Light Institute is kidnapped by Saint O'ffender and Hawk must skate the path of righteousness to rescue her. Along the way he meets Stella Speed, wiffle bat clown girl, and a bunch of S&M themed gangs. In this version of the story, Stella gets captured by Frank Stallone, a disabled veteran, and adorned with a wedding veil and snakes. Hawk gets captured too, saves Stella, and they get married at the end.

Overall, this film makes a lot more sense but that doesn't make it better. Part of the charm of the "Roller Blade Seven" movies is their absolute absurdity. That's what makes this film in particular so hard to review. If you can only watch one, "Return of the Roller Blade Seven" is the most ridiculous. Watching both of the originals is probably ideal, but if you watch both of the original movies, "Hawk" is really unnecessary.

Spoon Rating: 5*

*But this one is only worth watching in the same way that the previous two are, and they're better.

REWATCH: Showgirls [1995]

Last week Kay couldn't make it to movie night because of the snow, so everyone else watched "Showgirls" since Erik hasn't seen it.

I've already written two posts about the movie so just click the "showgirls" tag at the bottom of this post if you need to read about it.

Petey Wheatstraw: The Devil's Son-In-Law [1977]

[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]

It's been so long since we first experienced Rudy Ray Moore in "Disco Godfather." It's kind of shameful how long we've waited to explore his other films since he is just such a joy to watch. With a title like "Petey Wheatstraw: The Devil's Son-In-Law," there's no way we could go wrong. And we were right. This movie is amazing, and we can't wait to watch the rest of his filmography.

We start with an intro from the man himself telling us we are going to hear the story of how he became the devil's son-in-law. It starts with his mother giving birth to a ten year old who already speaks English (and a watermelon but that's neither here nor there). He learns karate as part of the prologue from a random wizard-like man on the street, and we get the ridiculously catchy theme song. Petey grows up to be a comedian who gets entangled in some nonsense with a gang that doesn't want him playing at their venue. They murder a young boy associated with Petey in the most tonally dissonant scene in the film and then everyone gets gunned down during the funeral. The devil resurrects Petey to offer him a deal: he'll bring everyone back to life if he agrees to marry the devil's daughter. Petey accepts and then goes about enacting his revenge. He also gets the devil's pimp cane, which allows him seemingly unending powers. Eventually the devil comes to make good on the deal and Petey comes up with the 'brilliant' plan to have a mask of his face made and then put on a drunk to take his place. It works exactly as well as you would think. This ends with a rooftop showdown against the devil that he seems to win but ultimately loses and we finally get a reveal of the daughter's face and that great theme song again.

This movie is such a ride. Rudy speaks about half or more of his dialogue in rhymes, the plot is off-the-rails, and it's just unfailingly charming in its complete absurdity. This was a movie that so thoroughly achieved its objectives that calling it bad doesn't even seem fair. You have no choice but to admire this level of self awareness.

You must watch this. If you are still not convinced, listen to the theme song. Heck, even if you are convinced listen to the theme song.

Spoon Rating: 8.5

The Guy From Harlem [1977]

[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]

This post it very, very late. We actually watched "The Guy From Harlem" two weeks ago but I completely neglected to write about it. Either way, I should note that this week we rewatched "Singham" for the second time because Erik had never seen it, and it's still as glorious as it ever was.

"The Guy From Harlem" is a really excellent piece of blaxploitation and one of few films with rewatch potential that we've seen in a while. The film is about a guy from Harlem (I know, stunning) who works as what appears to be a private detective. In the beginning he is tasked with looking after the wife of a diplomat from Africa (we are never told which country but she has a perfect American accent) and told not to try to sleep with her. He promptly tries to sleep with her. When they are threatened in his hotel room, they go to the place of a white lady friend he has and basically kick her out so they can have sex in her apartment. This happens twice in the film. In what appears to be act two, the guy is supposed to retrieve the kidnapped daughter of a drug kingpin. He also has sex with her at the friend's apartment. It was around this moment that we realized this had probably been conceptualized as a television show and then was hastily reworked into a movie when the possibility fell through. It has a formula and can't seem to get a more complex plot to cover a greater span than about 40 minutes if you stretch it.

The plot may not be much but the quality of this film cannot be ignored. There's weird sound, bad writing, ridiculous editing where large chunks of the film seem to have disappeared, and, most amazingly, a theme song that gets used constantly. Definitely add this one to your watch list.

Quote: *kidnapper with a gun* "I'm going to blow you away. Have you ever been blown away before?"

Spoon Rating: 7.5

The Hunchback of Notre Dame (Jetlag) [2002]

[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]

In a continuation of what could aptly be called "The Hunchbackening" as we attempt to watch as many versions of "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" both good and bad as we can, we watched the Jetlag Productions version. It starts in a way that implies that it may be one of a series of films about classic books where some kids go on a roller coaster through movie clips but there was no conclusion to that frame narrative so who knows.

The movie follows the plot of the book more accurately than any other version of "Hunchback" except maybe the French stage musical including a bunch of minor characters like Pierre Gringoire and Fleur-de-lis except somehow no one dies. Even Disney had the nerve to kill off Frollo. In this one, Quasi pushes Frollo off a small bridge at the end and we never see him again so we can assume whatever we want. This movie also, while not a direct romance like the other animated movie that we watched, did end with Quasi and Esmerelda disappearing together. 

So was it fun to watch? Yeah. The animation is lazy and there are weirdly long pauses between dialogue. Phoebus is the only one with a French accent and is constantly fooling with his moustache and, as expected, Frollo was comically evil but this time without a cool villain song. There were actually two songs in this movie and they were both lazy, an intro and a Quasi loves Esmeralda number. They were so lazy, I almost didn't mention them.

Spoon Rating: 6

Afterwards we watched an episode of "Madeline" where they put on a play of "Hunchback" and Gerard Depardieu is there. We don't recommend it.