As graduate school winds down for Sarah and Kay, the need to mostly do rewatches increases until finals are over. It had been quite a long time since "No Retreat, No Surrender," a movie that acted like Van Damme was the lead even though he maybe had 15 minutes of screentime while some Bruce Lee-obsessed teen was actually running the show. He did karate, worshipped Bruce Lee's grave, made a token black friend, had a very long montage with the ghost of Bruce Lee (played by a man who neither looked nor sounded like Bruce Lee), and eventually triumped in the end. And did a lot of retreating and surrendering. Ironically.
[Originally posted on Facebook on December 4, 2013]
"No Retreat, No Surrender" distinguishes itself from our other bad movies by having probably the most misleading movie cover ever. Sure, Van Damme is in the movie but as the Big Bad's sidekick who does nothing aside from fighting in a final full contact martial arts competition. 95% of the movie is actually about this kid who moves to Seattle (there are no fewer than three establishing shots so you really know it's Seattle) after his dad's dojo is shut down by the Big Bad who wants to . . . use it as a drug front maybe? It's not very clear. This kid is obsessed with Bruce Lee to the point of grave-worshipping and week-long training montage hallucinations with his ghost. He has an awesome stereotype best friend who never stops dancing and is antagonized by a fat kid who loves cake. In the end he fights Van Damme. It's surprising that I can even say that much about it when the movie is so cut and pasted together that there are hardly any necessary scenes. No loose ends are tied up aside from the main character winning back his girlfriend during a break-dancing competition (the 80s!). The only other thing you need to know is that shouting out the battle cry of "No retreat, no surrender!" is always immediately preceded by running away, completely contradicting the statement. Good confusion tactic though.
Adam's Grandma's Review: "Good for kids."
