The film starts with a man going into a smoky cave, suiting up as the earth tone ninja and getting a bunch of weapons before going on a killing spree of rich golfers and cops for the next fifteen minutes. With his dying breaths he ask a telephone pole worker named Christy for help and gives her his sword, which she accepts not knowing that it is apparently cursed with the evil ninja than infected the other guy. She gets ruthlessly hit on by a cop and then decides to have sex with him when he finally rejects her. The sex involves licking V8 off her body for some reason. Randomly she will get infected by the sword, which has a tendency to turn her home into a Poltergeist scenario, and then she will go out and try to kill one or two of the cops who had killed the original guy. She has no idea about her double life outside of some mysterious bruises and she mostly deals with her confusion by doing aerobics about it. At one point she and cop-boyfriend go to a "Japanese" place (it looks like some mixture of a bunch of Asian cultures none of which seem to be north of Laos) to try to find out what's wrong with her and she gets chained up BDSM style while the evil ninja is invoked. Eventually, of course, the sword ninja wants her cop boyfriend dead. Another ninja with an eyepatch that looks like a hand guard for a sword has arrived in LA to try to kill the evil ninja and there is a ninja on ninja showdown at a "temple" that seems to have a crew of monks living there or something? How? The original ninja manages to rematerialize for the final battle. Either way, eyepatch ninja wins. Cop boyfriend unfortunately lives. Christy can aerobic again.
This movie has some capital A acting and plenty of silliness. A solid watch.
Spoon Rating: 6
No comments:
Post a Comment