The literal second line of the film was something about the main character, Fay, being a virgin so you know exactly where this one stands. A psych grad student catches her boyfriend making out with a male waiter and dumps him, only to interview his mafia boss father in prison later that day. The boss, named Kent, gets out and then basically forces an engagement between Fay and his son (who he doesn't know is gay) in spite of the fact that he very obviously wants to screw her. This engagement is forced because he discovers she is the biological daughter of some other boss and this alliance will be good for him. This throws her into the mafia world, but most specifically, the world of her and Kent dancing around each other forever. He even whips her as part of an "interrogation" and they're both into it. Finally the son gets caught with his secret boyfriend, he is not good at hiding, and there's a valid reason for the engagement to be called off even though the son still wants it on because he won't inherit the fortune without producing an heir. In turn, Kent offers Fay a mistress contract for 5 million and she agonizes over it. We all were confused how this was not just the best of all worlds - sex with the guy she wants to sex and a bunch of money - but that was where the virgin thing comes in again. Thankfully, Fay's stripper sister is on our side and Fay gives in and we get some softcore and very light BDSM. Some convoluted mafia stuff happens and the film ends with Fay resolving to leave after Kent ripped up their contract but she crumples to the floor saying, "I love him" and we get a To Be Continued. Why does she love him? Honestly who knows? He has proven himself to be a terrible person, which was all the more reason to us why she should just have transactional sex with him.
This film was hilarious. So many lines were insane. The actors were all the same general age but they put grey in the lead guy's hair to unsuccessfully make him look older (and I think he's from 30 Years Frozen, 3 Brothers Regret). Everyone's got issues that could probably be solved very simply but they don't so the plot just circles a drain for a while until it decides to end.
Will we watch the sequel? Absolutely, but I don't think it could top this.
Spoon Rating: 8
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