In a surely desired sequel to the Dingo Pictures
Pocahontas, we started the evening with
Wabuu: The Cheeky Raccoon, about Pocahontas' raccoon friend who hops and laughs by shaking alarmingly. The German-singing raccoon wants to capture the sun to save it for a rainy day but then instead goes on some puckish Tom Sawyer hijinks. In the end, he makes a nice picnic for all the animals but put sneezing powder or something on it. We've decided he's a primordial chaos god. The movie has all the Dingo Pictures staples like bad animation, bad acting with strange pronunciations*, poorly timed voiceover, thin plot, and an eerie twanging circus background music that repeats throughout the entire thing. The bonuses from this one are that it's shorter at 30 minutes and has such inclusions as Wabuu getting accused of child murder and a character saying, "Shit."
*Someone said they had to get their shuffle (shovel) from their gay rahge (garage).
Spoon Rating: 7
The Secret of the Hunchback, our latest entry in the ongoing Hunchbackening (Hunchback's back, all right), has a similar formula to one we saw before: a clear
Beauty And The Beast design retrofitted into a
Hunchback movie. Esmerelda looks like Belle and sings a song about "wanting something more than this." Frollo is a high sheriff Gaston ripoff with a Jafar voice and a LaFou-esque sidekick. Instead of Frollo, Quasi has two gay priest dads. Uncomfortably buff gargoyles come to life and sing him an inspiration jazz song about how what counts is on the inside. Instead of Phoebus, we have Pierre, which honestly feels like less of a stretch for a romantic lead and I don't know why we don't see more
Hunchback adaptions making this choice instead. Pierre saves her from her captivity under the gypsies who gave her to Frollo and they sing a lame love song in the forest that was a ripoff of "Once Upon A Dream" from
Sleeping Beauty. Frollo kidnaps Quasi's archdeacon dad to make him marry Frollo to Esmerelda. Frollo also fights with a belt in addition to a sword. He dies by knocking over a gargoyle with it that crushes him to death. Quasi falls to his death but wings sprout out of his hump and he flies away. It was insane but Sarah predicted it. For some fun inaccuracies, we have a joke about Protestantism, a pronunciation of Notre Dame like the college, and cowboys hats. Remember: this is meant to be the 15th century.
It has higher production values than a couples of the ones we've seen but where it really shines is in how wildly odd the story is and how much it borrows from Disney movies.
Quote: I've got a HUNCH we won't be seeing him anymore.
Spoon Rating: 7
We made Hunchback Bingo for our next one:
Lastly, we watched the already well known
A Recipe For Seduction, a short Lifetime movie funded by Kentucky Fried Chicken with a sexy Colonel Sanders. It's only 15 minutes, which is kind of the ideal length since you get all the exciting parts without any of the drag. A rich girl falls for her family chef who wants to change the world with his special chicken recipe. Her jilted fiancé and her mom who's banging him decide to take out the chicken man, but he's rescued by the rich girl's gay best friend. Mom and fiancé go to a mental institution while rich girl and Sexy Sanders get married.
Spoon Rating: No spoons. Too corporate. Eat with your hands.
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