It has been a long time since we suffered like this. I hesitate to compare anything to "Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star" but for a solid 20 minute period of this film, we were all trying so hard to disassociate that I am almost uncomfortable writing this blog post as it forces me to relive the experience. We were expecting a blaxplotation version of Chucky and all the cheese that would imply, but oh, we did not expect this.The beginning of the movie is pretty inoffensively bad. We follow Miss Helen Black, a good church going woman who is proud of how she's waiting for marriage. It was hard to tell how old she was supposed to be as she was wearing those ridiculously large glasses that were fashionable in the 80s that make everyone look like a grandmother and her couch was covered in plastic. We get a lot of lingering shots of her apartment full of religious articles while she talks to her friend on the phone about much she needs Jesus. One day Miss Black goes into a thrift store and finds a really frightening puppet, which the store owner promises will grant her her deepest desire. She also mentions that the puppet always finds its way back to the shop, which seems like a bad thing to mention because it assures the buyer that ownership is temporary. Regardless, Miss Black buys the thing and props it up on her toilet while she showers.
And here's where the film takes a turn. In between shots Miss Black enthusiastically soaping up her breasts, we are treated to horrifying images of the puppet licking her and having sex with her. It was unclear at this moment if she was imagining it or if the doll was. Even more unfortunately, this was foreshadowing as the puppet ends up tying her to the bed and raping her. This doll sex scene (because yes, it eventually became consensual) went on for what felt like days. We hadn't seen anything of the sort since the furry sex in "Wolfcop." If I could "Eternal Sunshine" those images away, I would in a heartbeat.
After the puppet sex, the doll disappears and Miss Black is now a nympho but no man can satisfy her. She goes back to the shop to buy the doll again but when she brings it home and begs it to have sex with her, it kills her. The film ends with someone else buying the puppet.
Do not watch this. Just don't. It is an exercise in misery. It is an endurance test that is not worth the suffering. If I ever were to encounter the director/writer/producer I would run away because I definitely know too much about him and none of it is good.
Oh, and the quality is VHS level with tracking issues and the acting and sound quality are very bad. But who cares? Puppet sex.
Quote: "I've slept with men . . . several to be exact."
Spoon Rating: 2
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