Highlander 2: The Quickening [1991]

[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]

On first glance at the special edition DVD cover for this film that Sarah purchased at the Book Barn, we almost thought that perhaps it might not be the movie that is often hailed as one of the worst of all time. That movie has the distinctly memorable title of "Highlander 2: The Quickening" while this one merely says "Highlander 2." Don't worry; it was the same movie and the first few minutes made that clear as we stepped into a world of awful. Apparently there cannot be only one "Highlander" film but oh, there should have been.

All of us had seen the original "Highlander" but none of us could really remember it. Fortunately, this movie had absolutely nothing to do with the original and mostly retconed it out of existence. In a world ripped off from "Blade Runner", it's 2025 and McLeod the immortal is an old man at the opera reflecting on how he was sent to Earth from his home planet after he and his teacher, Sean Connery, tried to fight against the stupidly named General Katana. Then he leaves the opera and gets attacked by cyberpunk birdmen and absorbs their power to become young and promptly has sex with an environmentalist who hates him in a dirty alleyway. Somehow this also leads to Sean Connery getting resurrected in Scotland so he buys a suit and travels to meet McLeod in New York (or wherever the movie takes place). But soon Katana comes to Earth (it's where the party's at, apparently) in order to kill them. Not sure why, exactly. To absorb their power? That's mostly what immortals do in these films. There's also this plot about a shield protecting the Earth that is run by an evil corporation and McLeod has to stop it. For the reference, a lot of this movie is told in flashback so it's pretty hard to follow but it tries hard to distract you from the insanity of the plot with pretty but nonsensical sets, confusing, and at one point hypnotic, camera work, and a soulful bagpipe rendition of "Amazing Grace." There's also some comedy in the hammy facial expressions of the actors, the often incongruous or just plain 80s-style music, and the fact that all the main characters look like hair metal band rejects.

Quotes:
[after having Katana smash up his cab so he can't go anywhere] "I should have stayed in school."
"She died an old woman . . . I still loved her."
"Everybody's gotta be someplace."

Adam's Grandma's Review: "I don't know what to think."

The Avengers [1998]

[Originally posted on Facebook on January 7, 2013]

So there's this scene in the movie "Skyfall" where James Bond is running after a leaving subway in the London Underground and then jumps onto the back of it and a man waiting on the platform watches this scene and comments indifferently, "Well, he's keen to get home." Now imagine that scene was made into an entire movie.

Enter "The Avengers" but not the one you're thinking of. This movie is based off of the British television show but starring Ralph Fiennes (a.k.a. Voldemort and that guy from Schindler's List), Uma Thurman (and a horrible accent and an outfit she ironically stole from Black Widow), and Sean Connery (the villain who is apparently still mad Scotland isn't it's own country). It is the Britishest movie that ever Britished and it's terrible. Every line of dialogue is a clever quip delivered without emotion and the movie stops for tea at least ten times. In fact, it doesn't even feel British so much as it feels like it was made by an Anglophile who's never been to England or met a British person. So since this is the Britishest movie ever, can you guess what the villain wants to do? Control the weather to make it slightly more unpleasant! Oh the horrors. The 60s-ish outfits are interesting but that's the only nice thing one can say. The effects are the big budget kind of terrible and the acting is soulless but there is a moment called "the teddy bear scene" and the villain's defeat that really make it worth watching. We actually scolded the movie delightfully for these most irregular additions. Cheerio.

Zardoz [1974]

[Originally posted on Facebook on April 22, 2103]

Last week's movie was "Zardoz". This is all you really need to know:

Yes, that's Sean Connery. Yes, he's wearing a wedding dress. No, this isn't the most ridiculous thing he wears in the film.