Monday, March 27, 2023

Death Machines [1976]

Unable to resist a bad martial arts movie, Adam offered up this one for the night and it's kind of hard to place it. 

First of all, this movie kind of lacks a central character, or at least it does until a bit too far into the movie. It may be tempting to say the film is based around the "death machines" a trio of three men who are supposed to be great hitmen and never speak, but they don't take up much screen time aside from when the white one has a fight in a religious diner for no reason. The "death machines" are under the control of a man with a giant beard who is only in the very beginning and sort of directed by a different guy and a woman with a terrible wig who seems to be struggling with English. Whenever we are in the woman's house, the audio violence of the soundtrack is real. The machines are given an assignment and some killing happens. Then they take out a martial arts instructor and his whole class with one survivor who kind of become the POV character although we're already halfway through the movie. He doesn't actually do anything aside from be sad and date his nurse. This film is so hard to parse. 

Aside from the vaguely nonsense plot, the acting is bad, the soundtrack is absurd, and the fight scenes can get comical. We got a good amount of laughs from all this, but the plot did start to really drag towards the end. At least we had baby Jade to amuse us during the boring parts.

Spoon Rating: 3.5

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