King Of The Lost World [2005]

We haven't watched a ton of Asylum films, but we've dabbled. Unfortunately, we didn't know this was one until the start at which point we all groaned a bit. They are usually utterly devoid of sense in a frustrating way but can occasionally provide a poorly CGIed laugh moment. I guess. Mostly this one was just frustrating.

The plot is supposed to be loosely based of Conan Doyle's The Lost World but they threw a giant ape in there to try to capitalized on the fact that Jackson's King Kong had just come out. The plot follows a couple survivors of a plane crash on a seemingly deserted island who have absolutely no idea how to live. Right away one is killed by a giant spider and by killed I mean instantly wrapped up in web like Frodo in Return of the King but when they rip it open he has already been reduced to a skeleton (with an eyeball? okay). The island also has giant scorpions, which it's worth noting are less dangerous than small scorpions, and one stabs a guy backwards. The ape appears twice and is very blurry. The crew is then captured by some other survivors who went feral after like two days and they use a nuclear weapon to destroy the ape somehow not destroying the whole island. The film ends with one guy and two girls from the original crew still miraculously alive and not radiated to death but also still completely stuck on the island with no way out or plan. I guess the scriptwriter gave up.

This film gave us about two laughs from the CGI but it's really not worth your time. Instead we fantasized about a fighting match between all the women of the King Kong films. Fay Wray has no chance, Naomi Watts would be the best fighter, but Jessica Lange would fight dirty and try to gouge your eyes out.

Spoon Rating: 2