Rollergator [1996]

[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]

In the great pantheon of bad movies involving reptiles our experiences have tended towards the negative. "Repligator" and "Theodore Rex" were some of the most painful to sit through of all the movies we've watched. Only "Tammy And The T-Rex" stands alone as being more along the lines of delightfully crap. So you can imagine the hesitation to watch "Rollergator." And that hesitation should have been enough to stop us, but no. Adam is out two dollars and we all have wasted an hour and twenty minutes of our lives.

What's it about? A talking baby alligator, who occasionally raps, becomes friends with a girl who never covers her midriff and she tries to protect him from the carnival that wants to put him on display and a ninja. These two things might be connected. It's supposed to be a kid's movie but because the lead actress spends so much time partially naked, it just as easily could have turned into a "Howard The Duck" type relationship, which we were all dreading. Also, it has Joe Estevez, one of the lesser known members of the Sheen-Estevez Hollywood dynasty. He's a bad guy with a desk made of children's floor tiles.

Aside from the plot and acting, which were expectedly abysmal, the movie was also mostly shot in gator-cam and the sound was horrendous. Aside from simply not being able to hear the dialogue clearly (there was no boom mic to enter scenes at least?), the whole movie had this underscore of a folksy guitar that was unceasing. Every once in a while you would get used to it and be able to ignore it but once you noticed it again, you wished for death.

We checked out IMDb when we were done and saw such reviews as, "Not so much a movie as it is a recording" and "colossally miscalculated waste of air and space." Amazon had such reviews as "Does this violate the Geneva Convention?" and "The ceaseless folksy guitar is so malignant that not even Rifftrax's many excellent jokes can make this film watchable" and a sarcastic "This is so fly!"

Watch at your own risk.

Spoon Rating: 1 (but a slotted spoon)