Con Air [1997]

[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]

I had to double check that Michael Bay was not involved in this film because this is an insanely Michael Bay film. The movie opens with shots of war that are mostly explosions and close-ups of American flags for God's sake. And just look at that movie cover!

The movie follows the curiosity that is Nicolas Cage as he returns home from a war (which one?), has some rednecks uncharacteristically hate on him for being military (don't rednecks love blind patriotism?) and having an attractive wife (who specifically won't sleep with them thereby making her a whore or something), and then accidentally kills one of them in a fight (while explosions burst behind them for no reason). Being that his hands are deadly weapons, he gets sent away for seven years, getting parole on the day of his daughter who he's never met's birthday. He just needs to take one little prison plane ride first and OH NO, John Malkovich is a crazy and clever killer who has teamed up with other inmates to hijack the plane! What will our hero do? Recite oddly cadenced lines and try to find a way to get his cellmate friend his insulin while sending John Cusack clues about where the plane is so the government can stop it, that's what. Among the various passengers there's best selling black militant author Ving Rhames, creepy rapist Danny Trejo, silly crackhead Dave Chappelle, and the inexplicable only sane man cannibal Steve Buscemi and his Buscemeyes. Hilarity ensues of both the intentional and unintentional kind with a bit more of the latter as the convicts try to make it to Mexico and run out of gas, ending up in a plane graveyard of a town in the desert. This really could have set the scene for a fun buddy comedy but unfortunately the movie up until that point didn't seem to be heading in that direction. What followed instead were scene after scene of fighting and explosions and none of us knew what was going on. Then the action switched to Vegas and repeated. Bad guys died, modes of transportation became scrap metal, and Nic Cage met his daughter while that annoying Trisha Yearwood song that was so damn popular at the time played again. 

Also, there was a scene where a car was tied to the end of a plane and when the plane was taking off, the car smashed directly into a control tower. This is a metaphor for the film as a whole, I'm sure.

Nic Cageiest Line: "Put the bunny back in the box!"

Adam's Missing Movie Line: "I may be a con but I have CONviction."

Adam's Grandma's Review: "It's good like you said. Lots of action."