Yesterday we dove into another new genre of bad movie for us: art house. Now the problem with bad art house movies is that someone, somewhere is always going to think that it is actually brilliant and that we are uneducated plebeians for thinking that it's crap. Our movie for instance has a 62% on Rotten Tomatoes and unlike "Sharknado"'s 82%, this rating doesn't come with irony or appreciation for bad movies."Gerry" isn't so much a movie as it is a slideshow of nature scenes that manages to go on for over an hour and a half. Here's the plot: two guys named Gerry (Matt Damon and Casey Affleck) go for a hike, deviate from the path to "the thing at the end of the path", get lost for days, and one of them ends up finding the road and leaving with some random family. That's not the plot in a nutshell. It's the whole plot. The only other things going on involve a short running scene, meaningless conversations about "Wheel of Fortune" and an "Age Of Empires"-esque video game, Affleck!Gerry getting marooned on a rock that he somehow can't get down in spite of the fact that he climbed it, a conversation about how they got lost that uses the word "gerry" about twelve times, and Affleck!Gerry hallucinating Damon!Gerry telling him that he knows how to get back to the car. Aside from the ending, THAT'S the whole movie. The one thing that can be said about it is that when you're watching it, you really feel like you're lost with them but instead of sympathizing with their plight, you want nothing more than for the two of them to just die so your torment can end.
Thankfully, we were aware of how boring this movie was before we watched it so we came prepared:
In case you're wondering how many of these were actually consumed, it breaks down like this (in order of lowest caffeine tolerance to highest):
Adam's Grandma: Nothing. Maybe tea.
Kay: Sonic Energy Refresher
Keith: Mountain Dew Kickstart
Sarah: Vitamin Water Energy, Full Throttle
Adam: Monster Muscle, Spike Shooter (300mg of caffeine), Amp
I don't know who drank the Guarana Root Beer. Probably Adam.
[when he can't get down from the rock] Affleck!Gerry: I'm rock marooned! Make me a dirt mattress!
BMN Quotes:
[during a long scene]
Keith: Oh, I thought your computer froze.
Adam: We'd never know if my computer froze.
Kay: What do you think was the budget of this movie?
Sarah: Nothing.
Kay: It cost a few thousand to hire Damon and for Affleck they threw a fifty at him and let him wear a shirt with a star on it to convince him that he was the star.
Adam's Grandma's Review: "I told you; it was boring."
(Note: She didn't fall asleep during this movie but it's probably because Adam was so caffeine high and bored that he kept screaming every ten minutes.)
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