High Impact Hand Safety & The Prince of Egypt [1998]

We had a series of shorts this evening. First, we started off with a new classic: High Impact Hand Safety. This 18 minute safety training video is the funniest gore movie we've seen in a minute. The film is a safety training video that is 90% recreation of brutal factory accidents with the same scream and a lot of prosthetics.  Just when you think they are done, there are more. You start to get almost frustrated at how stupid people are the more you watch them clean machines without shutting them down first. Still we all picked favorites afterwards. As a companion piece, we also watched a German parody YouTube video called "Forklift Operator Klaus" that is very similar but intentionally over the top. You'll get laughs from both.

Spoon Rating: 9

After that, we decided to do another Dingo Pictures, this one being The Prince of Egypt. It was extremely minimal on the details of the story, which Erik's Catholic upbringing and Adam's religion minor were annoyed by. The thing with Dingo Pictures is that there's definitely a sweet spot of how many you can watch before they get pretty repetitive and we are probably past that point. Most Dingo Pictures are good, but they are all good for the same general reasons. This one is mostly notable for having some really solid smash cuts. The first was of Moses calmly saying, "I'm going crazy" before we get a wide shot of him sitting in front of the burning bush and that's our intro to God, who looks like Ron Pearlman. The other solid one involved the Egyptian armies first chasing with high energy music and then just a bunch of soldiers walking casually with no music at all.

Spoon Rating: 5*

*May be higher or lower based on how many Dingos you've already seen.

We also watched some commercials by Jim "The Hammer" Shapiro. Well, worth looking into if you've got two minutes.

Exit Wounds [2001]

The dice decided that we would have to deal with another Steven Seagal and a rapper movie although this one was a lot more convoluted than the last one. Seagal is a loose canon cop who doesn't play by the rules and gets sent to anger management for a hot second where he meets Tom Arnold. Meanwhile, DMX is a drug dealer except he's actually a dot com millionaire who is only pretending to be a drug dealer to try to expose some crooked Detroit cops (and get his brother out of jail, it seems?). The film also has Michael Jai White who Adam was very excited to see fight Seagal as they are two martial artists only to have them sword fight instead. The film seems to set up a potential love interest with the police commissioner but then she unceremoniously dies in a car crash two-thirds of the way through with no romantic set up anyway. This movie has some writing issues. It was at times completely incomprehensible. We got a few laughs with some good dummy work and weird directing, but this movie was far more painful than fun. 

Spoon Rating: 2

Serial Mom [1994]

It didn't take us long to figure out what we were getting into with this movie. While we all settled in for a bad movie, we were quickly treated to a title card that told us we were about to watch a John Waters movie and we immediately realized our mistake. John Waters doesn't make bad movies. He makes camp, black comedy, weird films, but definitely not bad movies unless you simply don't get him. Either way, we decided to settle in for a good night.

The plot follows Kathleen Turner as a neurotic housewife who goes on a murdering spree for often the most minor of offenses. She starts by just phone harassing a neighbor for cutting her off in a parking lot, then progresses to murdering her son's math teacher for his criticism of her parenting, offing her daughter's ex, killing a couple for interrupting her husband's weekend, and a few others. She is caught and brought to trial where she manages to get herself free on many technicalities, only to then murder a juror for wearing white shoes after Labor Day. 

It's not a bad movie at all. It's at least three stars out of five on a regular rating. Not my favorite John Waters (that's Cry Baby) but definitely a good time. 

REWATCH: Samurai Cop [1991]

Last Monday we rewatched the legendary Samurai Cop.

Read my original review here.