Desert Warriors [1988]

Well, they can't all be winners, especially when they are yet another Mad Max ripoff. Anyone with some craft form, a spare hubcap, and a deserted landscape thinks they can make one of these and Desert Warriors is no exception. Trying to explain the plot is pretty difficult since the film adapted the same Mad Max tactic of dropping you into a setting where you have to piece together the situation. Unfortunately, this movie lacks useful dialogue to provide the audience with this information, has such poor cinematography/lighting/editing that you frequently can't tell what's going on, and somehow neglects to tell us the names of characters or places so much that reading the plot description of this movie made us more confused. 

The plot is basically that in a post-apocalypic land there are three primary classes: the metal-clad fighting men with a vague S&M aesthetic, the barbarians who look like cave people, and the "drones" who live in a technologically advanced bunker and wear all white. One day a woman and man leave the bunker and the man is promptly killed while the woman is kidnapped by the S&M party since all their women can't have babies because of some disease. She is saved by Lou Ferrigno with an eyepatch, they have a very forced romance, and around the same time her father goes outside to find her. At some point Lou and the girl go to the bunker together and he learns about how the other side lives. This all culminates in a showdown between the drones and the kinksters which is literally stopped by Ferrigno when he decides to explain to his former boss that the drones have medicine to fix the disease. They hug. Then Ferrigno and the girl hug and walk off into the sunset for an alarmingly long time. The best scene is when Ferrigno goes to the bunker with the girl and a doctor inspects him saying, "Your eye is useless." The man has been wearing an eyepatch the whole film! I think he knows!

Overall, this film was pretty boring. Don't waste your time.

Spoon Rating: 2