Princess Warrior [1989]

Initially we were going to do a Dingo Pictures double or triple feature but since both Erik and Tom didn't come, we decided to go with something less likely to be a winner and we returned to our old favorite, Occult Demon Cassette. This time instead of watching one of their shorter features, we turned to one of their movie night suggestions, Princess Warrior. It was between that and Alien Warrior, but Princess Warrior seemed more unique and came with an NSFW tag.

A lot of bad movies end up feeling a lot longer than they are, but this one somehow felt shorter and it's already short at an hour and 23 minutes. Almost nothing happens, but it's not exhausting in the way you would think because there's just enough shiny to distract. The alien queen of a matriarchical society where men are slaves passes her crown to her good younger daughter and her evil older daughter is jealous. The princess goes to earth, meets some Philip J. Fry character who she falls in love with in one night, and then rides around on his motorcycle trying to escape her evil sister and her two droogs, Eczema and Bulimia. That's the whole plot. Throw in two trigger happy cops chasing everyone around, two Italian-American stereotypes, and a wet t-shirt contest that goes on for way too long, and you have the entire film. It's borderline sexploitation with the amount of shoehorned-in nudity but didn't really commit enough. Really, we were most upset that the very defined gender politics ultimately weren't a driving force at all. We were expecting the princess to be more commanding or for one of the women to be absolutely shocked by being objectified on earth or for the aliens to be confused by a man in a position of power but no. This film doesn't care about culture.

Overall, it's worth your time but only once. It's not painful and we got a few good laughs.

Spoon Rating: 5