Here's a movie the younger members of the Bad Movie Night crew saw in the theater nine years ago when it came out. Sarah said she wasn't with Adam and Kay when she saw it but they were definitely with a bunch of people from the group they were in in high school. Adam and Kay weren't sure who had picked the movie (back in the day there were a lot of group events that were planned by unknown forces) but whoever decided to go that day is responsible for Kay digging up this movie again for the bad movie treatment.
The movie takes place in Ipswich, Massachusetts, a nice historic town strategically picked for this film because it's a movie about witches and Ipswich is a 20 minute train ride north of Salem. It's both a historical reference and a semi-pun. At a fancy pants private school the popular boys are a crew of four known as the Sons of Ipswich. Descended from the settlers of the town, they are rich, powerful, blandly attractive, and imbued with the powers of ma-ma-magic which will take full effect on their 18th birthdays when they "Ascend". Main Guy's birthday is coming up and he is scared because after you Ascend every bit of magic you use ages you rapidly. His friends we have labeled Country Bro Hair (possibly the guy on the right), Draco Malfoy (who you think might be evil but is actually just a perv), and Other Guy (who is practically indistinguishable from Main Guy except that he only has four lines in the whole movie). In the beginning they meet New Girl from Boston public who Main Guy promptly dates and New Guy who is just blandly good-looking enough to join their crew. Turns out New Guy is the fifth Son of Ipswich who no one realized exists, he killed his parents to steal their power, and now he's out for Main Guy. After the longest lead up and showdown ever, Main Guy defeats New Guy when his father, who magicked himself into decrepitude at 44 years old, wills him his power. Too bad they don't find New Guy's body. Sequel possibility?!
This movie is full of cheesy dialogue, long unnecessary scenes, and the worst lighting we have seen in a movie since that Taylor Lautner movie where no one is actually abducted. The whole movie is in shades of black and blue and it's probably because of the lighting that for a while four of the five main guys looked exactly the same to all of us. The plot is kind of convoluted too but thankfully Sarah still managed to remember the details since she last saw it ("You disgust me" - Adam). In spite of all the things that make this movie bad, it's easy to see why teenagers liked this movie so much and why we all ended up getting suckered into seeing it back in 2006. It's got magic, quasi-historical Americana backstory, guys who are frequently shirtless, girls who are frequently pantsless, teen romance, teen conflict, New England foliage (although it was shot in Quebec), a private school that looks like a castle, and a guy-on-guy kiss. Who needs writing and lighting?
Quotes:
"Harry Potter can kiss my ass!"
'How about I make you my wiotch?"
Adam's Grandma's Review: "I thought the same thing as all of you."
We didn't really know what she meant by this so Adam, Keith, and Sarah offered up these potential reviews:
"It was magical."
"Witch crap."
"Brotastic!"
"Lots of witch, not a lot of craft."
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