Drugs Are Like That [1969], The Wave [1981], & Don't Copy That Floppy [1992]

It was a triple feature of shorts today, and although I tagged this with Occult Demon Cassette, none of these are actually from there, but they absolutely have those vibes. Back when I had a Facebook group, the person who runs that YouTube channel actually gave us a recommendation directly but alas, I don't think they ever found us again after Facebook banned my group for using the word "rape" when explaining the plot of a film. If you ever do find us again, we still love your work.

Tonight we started with a short called "Drugs Are Like That," which is basically a series of insane analogies for drug use that might lead you to think that anything fun or even just an element of existing is like drugs and therefore bad. It's such a poor explanation that we weren't even sure of the target audience. It featured kids talking, but kids would struggle to understand that the film is not telling them that drugs are equally as addictive as hopscotch and a baby's pacifier. Appropriately it is narrated by famed homophobe and orange enthusiast Anita Bryant who died last week. Rest in pieces.

Spoon Rating: 7

The next one was curiously called "The Wave" and was about a real high school classroom where a teacher basically formed a cult in order to show how someone could be drawn into Nazi ideology. The kid who gets picked on specifically gets wrapped up in the in-group mentally to the point where he volunteers to be the teacher's bodyguard and has a full crisis when the point of the lesson is revealed. It wasn't bad, but it definitely showed a kind of manipulative teaching that would absolutely get you fired in the modern day. There were a few laughs when the teacher held up an image of a wave and said, "The wave is coming" all dramatically, but the laughs were kind of on purpose.

Star Rating: 3/5

Our final one we knew would be a win from the title: "Don't Copy That Floppy." Completely incomprehensible to anyone under the age of 22, this PSA featured a rapper who looked like a mix of MC Hammer and Baron Samedi, giving us verse after sick verse about how it's not fair to gaming designers to copy their work. This one is one for the history books because there is no way we will ever stop singing the chorus.

Spoon Rating: 8

Pocket Ninjas [1997]

At only an hour and 17 minutes, you could think this movie would want to utilize its time well. Alas, this movie was at least 30% montage. We also hoped that the title would imply a kind of Toy Soldiers movie. No. They're not tiny; just kids. Losing already and the plot does not help at all.

Basically three kids at a dojo are given masks by their sensei and told to just go fight crime. This seems ridiculous until you realize it's even worse and the boss of the crime is also a kid (as possibly Robert Z'dar's kid in the film? Unclear). Most of the movie is about this with a little side plot with one of the kid's parents wanting to fuck the sensei and the day being saved by the one girl of the three wearing the sensei's mask instead and when she wins, she still doesn't get any respect from her male counterparts. Patriarchy, man. At that point the movie seems potentially over, but we randomly get this arcade fight sequence with the characters for reasons that are completely unclear.

We actually originally forgot to give this a spoon rating because we decided to instead watch some taiko drumming. 

Spoon Rating: 3