C.H.U.D [1984]

This one was pretty doomed from the title, honestly. Even hearing that it was an acronym wasn't quite a comfort. Apparently it stands for Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers, and in spite of that ridiculous premise, it's an extremely mediocre movie. Mid, as the kids say. It's not bad in a funny way. It's not even really bad in a bad way. It's just kind of boring, not funny, competently made and forgettable. The only real joy we got was from a very brief cameo of John Goodman as a cop in a diner who dies immediately. 

The movie feels a little like three different people wrote scripts set around the same villain but no one really consulted with each other. One story is about a photographer who way too controlling over his model girlfriend's body until she gets pregnant and suddenly he's totally chill with whatever she wants to do. He photographs people who live in the subway so he hears about things going on there. One story is about a cop whose wife has disappeared because she got eaten by the chuds in the opening scene and he's trying to find her. The last is about a crusty guy who runs a soup kitchen and is worried about people disappearing and about the EPA doing stuff that could impact people. None of these angles are well represented and it takes forever to get to fighting chuds. Aside from the model slicing one of them in their expanding neck with a sword she just had in the apartment, not much happens at all.

Again, this isn't a bad movie. It's just a bland one.

Spoon Rating: None

Star Rating: 1.5?