Heartburn [1986]

This movie was selected mostly based on the horror of the idea of Jack Nicholson in a romantic comedy and with Meryl Streep of all people. There are a bunch of other famous people in this movie too like Catherine O'Hara, Jeff Daniels, and Stockard Channing. So how's the film? Honestly, this is the most weirdly bland film. It feels like it has almost no tension, no climax, and no real theme (unless the "Itsy Bitsy Spider" song at the end was a hint). 

The plot is this: couple meets at a wedding, has a date and sex, gets married in what is a second marriage for both of them, they buy a crappy house, she gets pregnant and gives birth, she gets pregnant again, he cheats on her, she leaves him, her wedding ring gets stolen in a stick-up, they get back together, they break up again. Roll credits. That's it.

Maybe the world's most boring script, needed the famous names. Either way, we only laughed at the absurdity of this film, particularly the sudden rolling of credits and the idea that anyone would be immediately into Jack Nicholson.

Spoon Rating: 2

Above The Law [1988]

This Seagel movie has been sitting on the shelf forever because it was purchased as part of a double feature with Hard to Kill, a Val Kilmer movie that Adam maybe owns just out of some weird loyalty to Val Kilmer. I'm going to tell you right now: don't waste your time. 

The plot is honestly hard to follow for all of us, including Sarah, and that was partially due to bad writing and partially due to bad sound. Basically Seagal is trying to stop a drug ring and an assassination of a senator or something. He's married to Sharon Stone who both survives the movie but also only has two lines and he's partners with Pam Grier and you can't convince me that it's a platonic relationship given all the weird things they say. So much of the film involves Seagal doing to a location for some reason with little information gained. The only good part of the film is when he hits someone with a car and continues drives through a wall, causing the dummy to then fall off the front of the car to the ground below. The rest is just boring.

Spoon Rating: 1

The Divine Enforcer [1992]

While Kay was away on Spring Break, Adam, Sarah, and Erik watched and enjoyed The Divine Enforcer, a Christian Batman movie. Apparently it was worth the time.

Spoon Rating: 7

Fight Of Fury [2020]

This post is far too late, but this film was aces. This film is a vanity project for a Nepalese martial artist named Shuny Bee. It's shot in his own studio, it's full of bad ADR and acting in general, shots are reused, there's an uncomfortable relationship between Shuny and a much younger woman who he saves from human trafficking. Some other special features include a dead wife subplot (even though initially it seemed she may have just left him with their son but left her daughter with him so he could train her to fight or something), a bad guy named Brutal and his crew of Eastern European assistants who have both trafficked prostitutes and trafficked(?) MMA fighter women, and the fact that the film ends on a cliffhanger after Shuny a.k.a. Brandon defeats the sub-boss. Unfortunately because I saw this so long ago, the specifics have faded from memory but it was excellent and will be watched again.

Spoon Rating: 9