"Deadly Lessons" is also known as "The Legend of Simon Conjurer" and was released in 2006 but also 2014. Like its title and release date, this movie is incredibly confusing in a way that isn't easily summed up. I can tell you that our lead role is played by the director, so I can guarantee that this has passion project written all over it.
The movie starts in an elementary school classroom where a man named Simon Conjurer is making a bunch of children fly. He does some more magic while teaching them about how the Earth is dying but it's unclear if it's an illusion or if he's a wizard or something. Mesmerized at how this man has cured a student of their fear of flying, a visiting skeptic asks him to knock some sense into her suicidal, unintelligible son, Rebel. Rebel dresses like the rebel from "The Breakfast Club" for simplicity. The man chains him to the passenger side of his hummer with 20 screens in it that all have his face talking at him. Not sure how the hummer plays into his lesson on the earth but okay. We get a random villain scene with a bloated Jon Voight as an evil psychologist and a cigar-smoking lady (who's secretly on the man's side) who are trying to stop this guy but we still don't know what our main character does.
We are then in a classroom with a bunch of adults who all have different issues from alcoholism to anorexia to sexual confusion. We have some kind of inspiring teacher sort of scene where Simon presents the adults with a book that happens to know all about them. The book warns them that Voight is coming to get him so they leave and hide in a truck where many of them have revelations on how to get over their issues by remembering their childhoods. We find out that Voight is trying to frame the man for murder after the death of a child who he had contact with (and that the truck is full of C4 and driven by terrorists but this is a minor point).
The class breaks into Voight's apartment to find evidence that he killed the child and more of them have childhood revelations that cure their issues. This movie's approach to mental issues is appalling. At one point Simon has a bracelet of the dead child in his pocket as evidence but he insists that found it in the apartment and then planted it on himself. Voight comes into the apartment and he and Simon have a confrontation (where Simon accuses him of killing his wife?) before Simon and the class escape.
They drive to Simon's (?) house where we discover that cigar lady is his estranged wife and they make out in their rainforest-themed shower until Voight interrupts with a gun. He kidnaps her but we don't really see a scene of this. Back in the classroom, everyone is cured and Simon reveals that the books were blank and they all managed their revelations on their own. Voight gets arrested and the movie makes you question everything that happened although apparently the girl did die but the wife wasn't arrested? I don't know. Simon is a prophet without a god and the guy who's behind this point is definitely patting himself on the back for how clever he thinks this film is.
This film is utterly baffling. From the unclear target demographic to the intricacies of the plot to the genre, it's something of a mystery. It has the music score of a made-for-television Disney movie and an overall hijinks-vibe of a movie for children, but it's full of swears and sexual references. It clearly had a budget, but it wasn't utilized in any way that makes sense. Most of the money seemed to go into Jon Voight's apartment of artifacts and a few mediocre effects.
I'm stumped frankly. Should you watch it? Maybe. It's fascinating in the way that "After Last Season" was fascinating. But it's not enjoyable, and we won't be watching it again. And after nearly two and a half hours of movie, you might also find that the pages were blank.
Quote: "Ain't no book gonna rid me of the rage."
Spoon Rating: 5*
*You won't like it, but it might be a mystery worth looking into?
