Wrestling Women Vs. The Aztec Mummy [1964] & REWATCH: Samurai Cop [1991]

Quick update here.

Last week the writer of this blog was overseas so everyone else watched the strange but kind of underwhelming "Wrestling Women Vs. The Aztec Mummy." It did deliver on the title but was structurally leaving a lot to be desired.

This Monday we did a rewatch of the classic "Samurai Cop." Read our previous review here.

TC 2000 [1993]

[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]

When someone sets out to write a martial arts movie, there is a spectrum of how much love and care you want to put into it. Will your lead actor or actress be a known name? Will it feature cops, military, or just martial artists? Will there be an explanation for why Jean Claude Van Damme is an American with an accent or is the audience just supposed to roll with it? And, most importantly in terms of memorability, will it have a unique plot? It will be hard for us to forget last week's "Dark Angel" because of its unique alien drug dealer premise, but what if you just want to make a thing and don't care much? Rip off other movies and only create the thinnest of scripts. That's what this movie, "TC 2000," chose to do. The film smashes together such films as "Mad Max," "The Terminator," "Total Recall," and other, better, movies with roughly the same science fiction action movie aesthetic. In spite of its influences, this movie is about 10% plot and 90% punching faces.

Not Wesley Snipes (Billy Blanks a.k.a. Tae Bo guy) and Not Jessica Alba are cops in a dystopian future who live underground and take orders from Not Tom Selleck and his scientist underling Not Steve Buscemi. He doesn't get along well with fellow cop Not Dolph Lundgren (who was actually the same guy who played the drug dealer alien in "Dark Angel"). A new gang of Saturday Morning Cartoon villians lead by a Hamburgler-esque man called Nicky PIcasso start causing a lot of trouble above ground and they go to stop them. Not Jessica Alba gets shot and dies and is recreated by the scientist to be essentially a Universal Soldier. Billy Blanks realizes there's some sketchy stuff going on and leaves the police force to get Nicky Picasso on his own. He teams up with Bolo Yeung and we get a lot of training montages. Meanwhile UniSol!lady teams up with Picasso because it turns out the police is corrupt and in cohots with Picasso's gang. A final battle ensues. There's also some big thing about destroying or repairing the ozone layer with a key that UniSol!lady's dad gave her and that she wears around her neck. The ozone layer is saved. Probably. This movie was mostly just punches, kicks, and killing people with your thighs. And bad monochromatic cinematography. And sets with pipes everywhere.

Quotes:

"My overlord seems like a decent leader."

"Time to die!"

"Time to get a new watch."

"Of the two men that have entered, only one may leave." 

[Not at all ripped off from "Mad Max."]

We forgot to spoon rate this. Or ask Grandma for her opinion. That's how apathetic we were.