[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]
Last Monday we decided to relive another one of our favorite cinematic masterpieces: "Samurai Cop." After the release of a YouTube video from the actor who played the samurai cop, Matt Hannon, insisting that the rumor that he was dead was actually unfounded and expressing the vaguest, most apathetic interest in making a sequel to his most well known film, it seemed like the perfect time to take this movie down from the bad movie shelf (this is an actual thing in Adam and Sarah's house) and give it another watch.
What is there to love about this movie? Try a frantic 80s action movie synth score, the flattest and most redundant of line reads you could imagine, the weird choice to have the lead actor alternate at random between his real hair and wearing a wig that looks like his real hair, a lack of understanding of Japanese things, weird scene cuts and sound dubbing/editing, and so much more!
The plot is pretty standard: a cop who supposedly knows some Japanese and his perpetually smiling (even when someone is threatening to castrate him) partner are trying to take down some Asian gang members. But that's not all: The chief of police who's always flipping out! Chase scenes were two people aren't shot in the same car but are supposed to look like they are! "Sex" scenes where no one takes off their underwear! A flamboyant Costa Rican maitre d' who acts like Tattoo from "Fantasy Island"! Creeping on a girl when she's leaving church! No actual sword fighting until the end! Reaction shots! SO. MANY. REACTION. SHOTS.
I have barely brushed the surface. If you really want to make friends or get someone to date you, show them this movie. It's that special.
"Are you sure this is a good bust?"
"I want him dead! I want his head cut off and brought here! I want his head on this piano so that every man in my organization understands once more that no Katana gets captured alive or talks! Got that?!"
"I will bring you his head and I will place it on your piano!"
"It's like someone stuck a big club up my ass . . . and it hurts."
"I'll see you in court!"
"YOU MOTHERFUCKER I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL!"