Christian horror is apparently a thing but it's hard to find the difference between this movie and you typical 70s horror a la Grindhouse. Although there is a religious character who ultimately plays a role in the first and final act, all the Jesus is pushed aside for gory violence. It's a little hard to get the Christian message when you are distracted by fake blood and paper-mache bird heads but I guess they tried. If nothing else this movie managed to earn itself an X rating for violence although X ratings were a lot easier to come by in the 70s than they are nowadays where everyone is desensitized and I think that rating is only used for actual porn. In spite of the poster saying this is like a Dracula movie, it's actually closer to the painfully dumb Thankskilling. A biker named Herschell helps a girl, Angel, with a flat tire and she brings him to a drug den where her sister, Anne, is a user. Angel isn't though. Angel is a Christian in the shortest of shorts and she's here to try to reason with the druggies about turning to God. Herschell is indifferent about both the drugs and the God but is soon taken in by Anne and her cartoon character makeup. She convinces him to try some drugs and what follows is a sex scene that reminded us a lot of Samurai Cop. The girls' father asks Herschell to help out on his turkey farm and the scientists there offer him money and drugs to taste test a chemically enhanced turkey. Herschell accepts, eats it, seizures, and then emerges from his fit with the head of a turkey and a lust for druggie blood. Anne is relatively unconcerned about her boyfriend's new turkey head. Herschell writes her some letters and then goes out killing. At first it seems like he's only killing young, attractive druggies but then we realized they they're in Florida so he can afford to be picky. Some rando tries to rape Anne so Turkey!Herschell cuts off his leg and drinks his blood too. Finally Herschell is tracked down and his head is chopped off which leads to cut scenes of an actual decapitated turkey. This was easily the most traumatizing part of the movie. Then Herschell wakes up. It was all a dream and he's ready to give up drugs and accept God. Also, throughout the film, there is narration by the director who is constantly smoking and blatantly looking down at a script in front of him. He is the best character.
This movie is incompetent. The sound is so bad we had it at maximum volume and still struggled a lot to hear the dialogue, the lighting was often too dark to be sure what's going on, the camera was never steady, and, again, paper-mache turkey head that seemed to be lined with a feather boa. It was the Zaat-level of monster quality. There were some overly long scenes that didn't keep our interest but there were also a few moments when we laughed out loud at the bad effects. You could often see the tubing used to spray blood out of the victims. And the turkey head. Can't mention the turkey head enough. On the plus side, the DVD had a bunch of trailers for other 70s horror movies so you may soon being seeing posts about The Blood-Splattered Bride or Night Of The Bloody Apes.
BMN Quotes (about the main character's name):
Adam: Herschell wants to do your taxes.
Kay: Herschell is going to help you sue your neighbor.
Adam: Herschell really understands the metric system.
Kay: Herschell wants to sell you a gently used Toyota. Herschell goes golfing on the weekends and might get wild by having a beer with lunch.
Quotes (that sounds like a come-on):
"I need a husky man like you to help on my poultry farm."
Adam's Grandma's review: "It was good."
Spoon Rating: 4
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