Hey! Do you like fiercely patriarchal societies and nonsense science?Hm, you don't? But how about if they're IN SPACE? Yeah, I didn't think so. Unfortunately, even with such a promising title that immediately begs an answer to the question, "What exactly is a fire maiden," this movie failed to deliver in a lot of ways and felt much longer than its hour run time.In a time period that is either some time in the future or the 1950s, a bunch of space-suitless scientists at desks have a very casual journey to one of Jupitar's moons where they had heard a rumor that life could be brewing there. Turns out the air is breathable, gravity is the same, space is loud, and all the space natives speak English. How conventient! The head scientist sees a woman in a very short skirt get attacked by a beast and then she takes him to her leader: the only man in the community. It turns out they, as well as the other 15 girls there, are descendents of survivors of Atlantis who had left Earth thinking that the entire planet was going to sink into nothing. Sure. Then the girl is given to the scientist as a wife-present. The leader wants to use the scientists to help kill the beast who is kind of keeping them captive and probably killed the rest of the society. They do. At one point the main girl is thought to be going against the community after she drugs the leader and they dance around her before a ritualistic burning that gets stopped by the scientists. This is the only explanation we have for, "what exactly is a fire maiden." With the beast gone, the scientists leave with the main girl but promise the other maidens that they will return . . . with HUSBANDS! It's all a girl wants, really.
This movie is sloppy in a way that is only funny in small isolated moments. Once you are done laughing about the chill scientists with their lack of science and the fact that the whole movie has a giant single spot of lighting right in the middle of the frame that shows they thought they didn't need a lighting person, the fun is pretty much over. Instead you're just left with questions like "why didn't the 16 girls overthrow their leader when they clearly could take him?" "how did one man-sized beast wipe out a whole civilization that probably knew a thing or two about weapons?" and "is there a way this movie could have included more fire to justify its title?" We were hoping the maidens might be on fire or have fire powers or even just worship a fire god (they seem to worship Aphrodite) but alas, no.
Quotes:
"We're here to explore, not to get involved in something we know nothing about."
"Hold your fire. We'll try to scare him away." [shoots gun]
"Beautiful! Gorgeous! A speciman that requires the most extensive research program!"
Spoon Rating: 2
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