There's a valuable lesson to be learned from this movie: Just because
you can do something doesn't mean you should. In fact, if ever you find yourself
thinking that doing something questionable might be a great idea if it turns a
profit, you should really assess the situation. "American Idol" was a hugely
successful television show (is it still on or have the kids all turned to "X
Factor" and "The Voice"?) back in its first season so, of course, there was a
push to capitalize on this success in every way possible which ended in a pile
of flames with this movie. Written by Kim Fuller, the human responsible for
inflicting "Spice World" on us and possible relation to "American
Idol" creator Simon Fuller, and directed by the human who directed "She's
All That", this movie reeks of the 90s in spite of being made in
2003. It is also void of a main plot, quotable lines, or memorable songs
(titles include "Anytime", "Timeless", "Wish Upon A Star", "It's Meant To Be",
"Forever Part Of Me", etc. on the blandness). But at least there's . . .
dancing?! I don't know.Since this movie had even less main plot than "The Baby Sitter's Club" it's best to talk about it subplot by subplot. Justin and his two friends are spring break event organizers. Perpetually Shirtless Friend is a slimeball who keeps getting tickets from Hot Cop thereby losing any event money he makes but they hook up at the very end so it's okay. Nerdy Friend is trying to hunt down a girl he met in a Xena chat room but they just keep missing each other until the very end in which they hook up. Kelly and her two friends are spring breakers. Smart Minority Friend has a romance with Older Busboy Man that is more believable and interesting than the main romance although she does foolishly lose him his job but in the very end he forgives her and they hook up again. Unreasonable Bitch Friend spends the whole movie trying to break up Justin and Kelly but not necessarily because she wants Justin but because she is jealous of Kelly's "nice girl charm." Right. Either way at the very end neither of Bitch Friend's two friends has kicked her ass to the curb as they should and she's seen dancing with some dude she probably hooks up with so apparently evil has no consequences. As for our title characters, they dance for two seconds which is apparently all true love needs and then she saves him from a bunch of angry girls and suddenly they know everything about each other so they sing a love song on a boat where they aren't even looking at each other. And their love lasted forever until she had to go back home to Texas. Presumably.
Best Scene: There wasn't really a memorable line but there was a memorable scene. Nerdy Friend is in the hotel room when this beefy dude breaks in determined to beat him up because he thinks he stole his girlfriend. Nerd tries to talk him out of it by saying that if he thinks his girlfriend is cheating, he should be having a conversation about it with her. The guy calms down and asks Nerd if he wants to get a drink and talk more about their feelings. Nerd agrees but does question, "This goes no further than friendship, right?"
Adam's Grandma's Review: "I didn't like it. It was boring." (We think she's lying. She seemed way more invested than any of us were.)
To get an idea of the PG fun that ensued, we had a video of one of the numerous beach party scenes with "Hanging Out With The Family" from "Birdemic" over it but Fox blocked the video so you'll just have to imagine it. This might also mark the first time in history someone actually claimed responsibility for this film.
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