Stone Cold [1991]

This is an action movie, and it does not take that title lightly. There is so much action in this movie, that the plot is really hard to follow. There are so many explosions, that appears to be where the entire budget went. There are so many fights and shoot outs that we all collectively could not remember that the main girl who was the love interest got unceremoniously offed with ten minutes left in the film. That's what I have to say for Stone Cold really: it's not boring but it's not strictly bad-movie-good.

The plot seems to be about a cop (probably) from Alabama who is in New Orleans to infiltrate a white supremacist biker gang. Apparently the Nazi affiliation isn't the issue so much as something to do with drugs. There's a guy named Chains who seems to lead it all and he hates the DA who is called Whip and wants to give all the bikers the death penalty or something. Every scene that isn't some sort of fight or chase is only about 30 seconds long so it's hard to gleam what's happening but the main mullet man did have a partner right at the beginning who disappears for most of the movie to reappear at the end. There's a helmet with a head in it, a biker funeral that's really a Viking funeral, some bar fights, a character known only as "the Bolivian," a severed and tattooed ear, at least two major car accidents, an exploding gas station, plenty of topless women, and a lot more explosions than I can really remember. The best part of the movie was the last ten minutes or so where we got some exploded dummy action and a scene of a motorcycle going out a window and slamming into a helicopter, causing an explosion. 

So was it worth it? Well, we don't regret watching it, but we can't really recommend it unless you stick to just the end.

Spoon Rating: 3