Quasimodo (Mondo TV) [1998]

This movie is an incredibly mysterious one. At first we couldn't find an IMDb page but we did look up Orlando Corradi, the writer and producer, who also wrote one of the terrible animated "Titanic" movies and produced the beloved "Samurai Cop." Eventually Adam found the page but it's entirely in Italian. Also, there's a YouTube video from a guy who seems to have seen as many "Hunchback" adaptions as we have, but it didn't shed much light on this film outside of what we already know.

Aside from the fact that Frollo is accused of being a sorcerer a bunch, the first 45 minutes of this roughly hour long movie are actually really accurate to the book but move at a full run. Basically, characters come on, introduce themselves and their motivation, and then do a few things to keep the plot going. For a while we were playing "Hunchback" bingo and we had barely any spaces. What makes this version so notable is that the last 15 minutes of this movie are absolutely wild. Esmeralda appears to get shot and hanged, but they keep insisting that she is still alive and that the hanging was actually faked by Pierre and Frollo. Quasi pushes Frollo into the Seine and also flings himself into the Seine using one of the bells (geographically, this would be difficult but okay). They are then dragged out by the gypsies. A fortune teller basically says that everyone is going to be okay and that Clopin will be the one to fix things. It turns out Clopin has real magic. He brings back Esmeralda. Then he makes Phoebus and Fleur as ugly on the outside as they are on the inside and they become the new bell ringers. Djali, the goat, gets turned into a hot wife for Pierre in order to work around that creepy fixation he has on a goat. Quasi is saved and made "handsome," and he and Esmeralda get together. Frollo even holds a double wedding for our two couples! I guess his overwhelming lust got cured by nearly dying. Basically, we get an ending so "happy" that it feels like someone's retcon fanfiction.

This one is particularly special if you are familiar with the "Hunchback" adaptations, but even if you aren't there's terrible pacing, confusing animation, and really bland writing. Even before things got insane, we were laughing quite a lot.

Spoon Rating: 6