Do Or Die [1991]

[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]

It's been a long while since we watched an Andy Sidaris movie. So long that I hadn't noticed his name was spelled wrong in the tag. So it goes. Andy is a connoisseur of a few things and it only really takes one movie to get an idea of what those things are. He is an auteur with an aesthetic defined by vague action plots, fast moving transportation machines, and lots of female nudity. We had started our dive into his work in 2013 with "Malibu Express" and "Hard Ticket To Hawaii" the first of which was disappointing but the latter was a gem of badness. It had seemed inevitable that we would make it back to him eventually since Adam bought a 12 pack of his movies but what specifically brought our focus to his work was the intersection of Adam having this 12 pack and a book his brother-in-law bought him about bad movies espousing the quality of "Do or Die." Alright then.

"Do Or Die" follows two "government agents" on a journey around the US from Hawaii to Vegas to Louisiana as they are hunted down by pairs as part of a "Most Dangerous Game" knockoff run by Pat Morita. In Vegas at a model aircraft convention they pick up two other cops or agents or something to assist them, one who is banging the dark-haired girl and the other who is Erik Estrada and is clearly going to hook up with the blonde girl. In Louisiana they acquire two more couples who include a girl who sings French chanson/country mashups in assless chaps, the guy she's banging, a woman with giant fake boobs, and the guy she's banging. This movie had a sex scene for every couple including a hint of one with Pat Morita and a girl young enough to be his daughter. After defeating five of the six teams sent to kill them, the blonde girl finally realizes that Pat Morita's goons had put a tracker on her watch, which was how they kept finding her. They battle the final team, two guys proficient in martial arts, and trick them with dummies in a makeshift shed that they blow up. It ends on a bit of a cliffhanger as Pat Morita's daughter/girlfriend puts a tracker on him and the four couples somewhat vow revenge against him. As far as we can tell, there isn't a sequel.

This movie has so many marks of an Andy movie: absurdly long scenes of girls getting dressed, cool looking but impractical guns, explosions, a lack of establishing locations, characters barely speaking except to dictate the plot, just everything you want. At this point, we can make Andy Sidaris bingo. While this movie wasn't particularly exemplary over say "Hard Ticket To Hawaii" and we don't feel like we need to watch it again, the repeated amusement we get from his movies means that it is worth watching at least one Sidaris movie of whichever title you pick, if not more. And we've got nine more to choose from.

Quote: "Speak to me, you son of a bitch." (how I'm answering the phone from now on)

Spoon Rating: 6