[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]
Let me make this one really easy for you: "Cool Cat Kids Superhero" (yes, that's the title; ignore what the DVD cover says) is basically just "Cool Cat Saves The Kids" with some additional self indulgent footage from Derek Savage, a few weird lines removed, a few worse lines added in, and Mama Cat's lines redubbed by Cynthia Rothrock. It's not actually worth it to watch this movie if you can get your hands on "Cool Cat Saves The Kids" but apparently that's a collector's item at this point.
Instead I'm going to talk about Derek Savage, the creator of Cool Cat. I think when we watched "Cool Cat Saves The Cats" we considered it to be a very, very flawed but earnest attempt at making a product for kids with a good message. Now that we have basically watched this movie three times, I think I'm getting cynical. Adam said that the new title for this movie was a result of Derek Savage hearing that kids only care about superheroes and he was trying to capitalize on that. This seems likely because it doesn't seem like Derek Savage cares that much about Cool Cat. On his website, three screenplays he wrote which all sound like movies we would watch at bad movie night (one revenge story, one Christian love story, and one male stripper story) are at the top with Cool Cat underneath next to "Gun Self-Defense For Ladies" and then a bunch of Cool Cat and Trolly The Trout books under that. Considering that Cool Cat is the only thing anyone seems to have consumed of his, you would think this would get a bigger highlight.
But here's what I think. Cool Cat serves two functions for Derek Savage:
1. It seemed like an easy money maker. Savage doesn't really want to make kids movies; it's not a specific passion for him. What he does want is to work in film, and because kid movies are easy to make and don't have to be particularly "good," he thought this might be a way to make some money and hopefully get some recognition for his other works, which he may have a stronger attachment to.
2. He's trying to justify owning a fursuit. Throughout the Cool Cat movies, there are scenes that are clearly designed to highlight things Derek Savage owns that he's proud of in the materialistic middle-aged man child way. There is discussion of his guitar signed by the members of Van Halen, a band no kid has heard of. We get to see his car a lot during a parade. And in "Cool Cat Kids Superhero" we get even more of this with an opening scene devoted to his motorcycles and a frankly uncomfortable series of shots of Derek Savage working out. Similarly, he displays clout with who is in the movie. He managed to get a Hollywood actress whose largest roles were a decade ago and a washed up television actor to appear and in this one he is able to cite Cynthia Rothrock on the cover of the DVD even though she just did a voice over. This movie is just a way for Derek Savage to toot his own horn and you cannot convince me that he didn't have that fursuit already before deciding to make these movies. It's just another thing he owns and happens to be a little less proud of so he found a way to use it that wasn't creepy.
If you want me to cite my speculations, I can't. There's very little about Derek Savage on the internet. The only thing IMDb adds to the conversation is the fact that he apparently used to be a Playgirl model. I literally have no idea if this is verifiable or added by Savage himself (although if you find picture evidence of this I DON'T WANT IT). It almost sounds like it was added by him because being a Playgirl model is exactly the kind of thing an out-of-touch guy would think is cool and implies that he was hot stuff to women at one point without realizing that the primary reader base of Playgirl has basically always been gay men.
So anyway, watch "Cool Cat Saves The Kids" instead if you can find it, and avoid Derek Savage if you ever encounter him in California.
[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]
It's been a little while since we watched a Disney Original Musical but we're all out of the really famous ones until we get the highly anticipated "Descendents 3" so in the mean time, we'll have to do with a film not successful enough to warrant a sequel: "Starstruck."
The film revolves around two sisters, Sara and Jessica, who go to California for vacation. Sara is the biggest fan of Christopher Wilde, a Bieber-a-like with even less talent, and Jessica couldn't care less about celebrity nonsense. Wilde ends up accidentally smacking Jessica in the head with a steel door outside an Under 21 club and is taken in by her obstinate attitude and her general apathy towards him. He lowkey kidnaps her and then sleeps in her garage (in his car named Cher because that's what heterosexual guys name their cars). All you need to know to explain this is that he's desperate to avoid the paparazzi at any cost because he's trying to get a film role. In spite of this rough night, they go on an adventure together when they run into each other at the beach and he destroys her grandmother's car so she gives him a dressing down about not understanding normal people. The whole thing follows a very expected romance plot that involves play fighting in water, Jessica shaming the paparazzi, and a reunion at a school dance. Occasionally we get a really bad song with all the autotune money can buy.
The film on the whole is pretty unremarkable unless you are trying to study the basics of three act structure screenwriting. There were a few funny moments, particularly the dancing of Sara's best friend at the school dance, but overall this was another movie to add to the list of "made funny by us because we're hilarious even though the movie wasn't."
Quote:
Jessica: Go away!
Sara: No . . . I live here.
Spoon Rating: 3
[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]
So Kay was on vacation for three weeks and two of those three weeks it was Good Movie Night instead of Bad Movie Night. Last week the movie was "Jurassic Attack: The Final Battle" or "Rise of the Dinosaurs" (the box and the DVD were in direct conflict) which got a spoon rating of five. The movie was purchased at the dollar store, and we had three other dollar store finds to pick from today. We settled on "The Hero of Color City," a kids movie that is a pretty clear rip-off of "Toy Story" influenced by the popular children's book "The Day The Crayons Quit" about how crayons and drawings come alive when a kid is asleep.
The premise is simple: two uncolored drawings of a king and bug go into a crayon box after hours to enter Color City and this somehow threatens the saturation of all the colors so they have to stop them or something. Literally the goal of the movie was explained by this annoying, mumbling crayon called Professor Heliotrope (although he was lavender) and we all managed to miss the point but not the stakes. The titular hero is Yellow, a very scared crayon who saves the day. The rest of the crew consists of Blue who's "cool", Green who's an organization freak, Red who's sassy, White who is sad about his lack of use, and Black who is monotone and lowkey emo (he's by far the funniest character). They all go on a really unexciting adventure that only lasts an hour and ten minutes and is padded with songs that do nothing for the story. There's really nothing more to explain except that there's this scene where they encounter a bunch of other unfinished drawings and color them in and there's something really horrifying about watching them pick each other up to color.
The best parts about the movie have nothing at all to do with the movie proper. When we first put in the DVD we were rivetted by the welcome screen where the uncolored king drawing keeps poking his head into the screen and groaning (because he doesn't have a mouth). We watched it for about ten minutes. After the movie, we watched cast interviews and they were wild. Christina Ricci played Yellow, and she is struggling to find something significant to say about this flimsy excuse for a movie while also waiting for her Ambien to kick in. Sean Austin played Bumblebee (literally the Bumblebee Tuna mascot because product placement) and he waxes poetic forever about who even knows what. Finally Craig Ferguson played the bug drawing and he basically jokes around the whole time, well aware of how poor the movie is but he's getting a paycheck damnit.
Keith's Review: Color me confused.
Spoon Rating: 4
