Repligator [1996]

[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]

Upon trying to find the cover for this week's movie, "Repligator," I discovered something interesting: there's no Wikipedia page for this movie. That is never a good sign. We probably should have looked first before watching but I don't think it would have mattered. We were all so horrified and intrigued by the movie cover that there wasn't any way we weren't going to watch this, which is sad because it was a rough ride. It was mercifully not boring, but it was definitely written by a man who is actually an eleven-year-old boy who just discovered how awesome breasts are and wanted to combine them with his other favorite things: sci-fi, the military, and alligators. And this eleven-year-old boy-man also cast himself in the role where he gets to make out with all the women who find him irresistible in spite of him being the least appealing person in the entire movie. This is why some people make movies (N.B. It's definitely why Neil Breen and Tommy Wiseau make movies).

Basically the plot of this movie is that the military spent a bunch of money to make a "replicator," which is really a transporter, to be used in war but it has a weird glitch that turns everyone who uses it female. Another scientist combines the replicator with mind control software which basically results in a bunch of half naked, horny women. When they orgasm their DNA goes bananas and they turn into gator ladies who turn people into zombies when they bite you. The scientists solve the problem they created. That's it.

Here's a top ten list of the worst things about this movie:
1. When the military guys get turned into women, they suddenly embody all female stereotypes i.e. "let's go shopping!" etc.
2. And inexplicably change their sexualities so they are all into the male characters.

3. Some of the military people are unaware of the sex change after it happens??? Or how to pee as a woman????

4. Female nudity for no reason every two seconds.

5. Gay stereotype zombie.

6. Nagging wife joke that goes on for a painfully long time.

7. Already hot scientist lady who suddenly becomes hot when she takes off her glasses.

8. God, this movie was so sexist.

9. They had an opening scene and later they used the entire scene a second time as a flashback.

10. Did I mention how the writer cast himself as the guy all the girls want to bang? Yes? I needed to again.

Three good things about this movie:

1. The terrible paper mache gator heads.

2. Awkward falling.

3. An actual trans character who is relatively well presented especially considering that this movie was made in the 90s when trans people were still the punchline of horrible jokes. She even gets a happy ending with the guy she's in love with who is initally freaked out by the situation. The writer probably didn't even mean to be this inclusive since everything does end up completely hetero but still!

Regardless, no.

Quote: "If you have a sexual experience, you will turn into a walking alligator."

Spoon Rating: 1