After Earth [2013]

[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]

We have done it. We have completed the trifecta of bad Shyamalan movies: "The Happening," "The Last Airbender," and now, at last, "After Earth" a project Will Smith devised because he wanted to do another movie with his son Jaden in hopes that it would solidify Jaden's career as, not just a professional crazy person on Twitter, but an actor as well. How wonderful that there was a director up for the challenge. While this movie wasn't as funny and rewatch worthy as "The Happening" it was phenominally easier to sit through than "The Last Airbender" so there's that.

The background of this movie is essentially: the humans have moved to other planets after disasters and attacks by aliens called Ursa who hunt by smelling people's fear. According to fearless Ursa hunter Will Smith, Earth is nowhere you wanna be because, "Everything has evolved over 1000 years to kill humans." Evolution gets faster in the future. Will and his son Jaden, who wants to be like his father but "did not get promoted to ranger, sir", go on a trip to try to bond but the plane crashes killing everyone except for them and landing on that deadly wasteland called Earth. With Will paralyzed, Jaden must travel across the land to find the tail end of the ship so they can call for help. The rest of the plot is like a boring video game with random attacks from various creatures, supply checks, health kits, a superior giving instructions over a headset, no less than five restorative naps, no less than three visions of his dead sister whose death he feels responsible for, and finally, a big boss battle against an Ursa where he proves he has also learned how to have no fear. Only through becoming like his father does he finally gain his father's love. Great message for the kids.

The acting in this movie, like all the M. Night trifecta movies is truely something to behold. Will Smith, usually one of the most charismatic actors is Hollywood, spends the entire movie with the single expression of barely restrained hatred while Jaden is constantly two seconds from a sobbing meltdown. The movie poster shows this dichotomy well. Also, for some reason everyone talks with different variations of a "future accent" which lead to us mishearing things like "beacon" as "bacon" and "saucer" as "salsa." Regrettably, there was no bacon salsa to be had.

Quotes: 
"[something, something] Bingo power!"
"Both of my legs are broken . . . one very badly."
"I see my blood bubbling up . . . mixing with the sunlight . . and I think, wow . . .that's really pretty."

Adam's Grandma's Review: "Better than last week."