In honor of the fact that two of the members of the BMN crew happen to be involved in the hospital with the best shark attack floor in the area, let there be MORE SHARK MOVIES! I'm not sure why shark movies are so common for bad movies but Nu Images, the company who did this one (not the Asylum), cites this movie as its six shark movie (one of its previous ones being "Shark Attack 3" starring the wonderful John Barrowman). This movie is a lot like one of our previous films, "Deep Blue Sea", but with the addition of aliens who sent down orange crystals that turn the sharks into killers and way less production value. The 'action' takes place mostly on an underwater research base stupidly located in the Bermuda Triangle and run by a man with 90s hair curtains. When he leaves the base to talk about the crazy sharks that are attacking anyone who leaves the base, not Steven Segal from the government says he wants to inspect the place for violations. Meanwhile, Hair Curtains' wife, not Amanda Seyfried (played by Vanessa Angel, which is not a porn star name), tries to keep the base together by repeatedly sending people outside to their doom and being sad when they die. Eventually not Steven Segal gets on the base and goes on a killing spree of the people on it and all the stock footage of sharks attacking is pretty much forgotten. Throw in some operatic stock music, actors who cannot convey outrage to save their lives, a man falling from a plane and bouncing on the water's surface like a klutzy Jesus, and a crew member whose accent encompasses every country in the Anglosphere. The movie appears to go back to its home planet in the end but if you think there's going to be some explanation for why or how any of this occurred, I direct your attention to more ambiguous stock footage.
Best Line: "You have two choices . . . and one of them's wrong!"
Adam's Grandma's Review: "I liked it. It was good."
No comments:
Post a Comment