Vampire Dog [2012]

[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]

We almost watched "The Babysitter's Club" yesterday but once this movie was thrown into the mix it was a unanimous vote on title alone. And what a deceptive title it is.

"Vampire Dog" isn't really about a vampire dog. There's an immortal talking dog who is mildly irritated by the sun (in spite of the fact that he goes in it constantly), can hypnotize people, and eats nothing but red jelly but that's the closest you get. The movie is actually about the new kid in school who's bullied by the popular girls, who unironically say things like, "OMG LOL," because . . . his mom is the new music teacher. Yep, apparently it doesn't take much to set off an antagonist these days. And there's some bigger narrative about how the school, Lugosi Middle School, har har, needs to win a battle of the bands in order to save the music program. The other, probably lesser, narrative is about how the kid has inherited this dog from his Romanian grandfather that is a 'vampire dog' and he has to bring him to school every day to feed him the blood of his classmates red jelly from the cafeteria. There's this evil cosmetic lady with fabulous clothes and wild hand gestures and her gay assistant who want to capture the dog so they can . . . harness his power to make anti-aging cream? I don't know. They mostly run into walls and get out-smarted by 12-year-olds. In the end the kid takes the place of the drummer in the battle of the bands and leads the school to victory, thus making him cool and getting him the girl, and the evil adults . . . get arrested or something. Also, the kid's science nerd love interest realizes that the dog's inability to go in the sun that we never see is actually just a mild allergy and they fix that. Woot for easily won victories.

In the credits there were a ton of messages for Canadian film companies and places who funded the film which caused Adam to exclaim, "In a last effort this movie tried to blame everything on Canada."  We all know it takes individuals, multiples ones, to make a movie. Even a bad one. Especially a bad one.

WTF Line: "Jelly shortage? What's next? The apocalypse?"

Adam's Grandma's Review: "Good for kids."