If you've got a problem, yo, I'll solve it. As long as that problem is a lack of terrible movies in your life in which case Vanilla Ice has got you covered.Vanilla Ice stars in his first, and mercifully only, leading role in a film with a title that instantly dates itself almost as badly as "She's All That." The plot revolves around Ice cruising around on tacky motorcycles with his all black posse, occasionally rapping in clubs, and mostly trying to win the affections of a straight-A student who is not Jennifer Connelly and whose father is mixed up in some vague trouble with some thug-ish guys who want money from him. It's not very clear. And you know what else isn't? Your vision when you stare into the chaos that is Ice's baggy pants and hair that is shaved to look like bricks. At least it's an interesting visual break from the whitest film ever. No really. The cars, the interiors, the clothes of the female protagonist, and every line spoken by Vanilla Ice are blindingly and confusingly white. Throw in some Adam West's "Batman" sound effects every time Ice gets into a fight, waking a girl up by putting an ice cube in her mouth, and not-Jennifer Connelly's suddenly abusive boyfriend, not-Kyle MacLachlan, and you have something that is about as cool as burning your tongue on hot coffee.
I wouldn't recommend putting some Ice on it.
Best Rap Lyrics:
"Together forever 'cause that's a real long time."
"Put your weight on this!" (a clear rip-off of Disco Godfather; but Vanilla Ice never rips off other people . . .)
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