The Hugga Bunch [1985] & others

We started our evening with a truly confusing film. This movie, in spite of the cover, is not animated. It is actually a tale of a friendless 7-year-old who is scared at the prospect of her grandmother being forced to move out of their house and into a nursing home. One day while playing with her stuffed animals, a horrible "cute" creature falls out of her mirror and talks to her about the joys of hugging. She enters the mirror realm with the goals of finding a way to youthify her grandma so she won't have to leave. This requires an adventure to a castle to get a fruit but the castle is owned by the hammiest iteration of the evil queen from Snow White. They take some of her magic youth fruit but on return to our world, she drops it all and it disappears. Turns out the whole adventure was useless. All she needed to do to keep grandma around was to yell at her older brother to show some appreciation for their grandma. He cries and begs her to stay so she does. Problem solved; movie unnecessary. 

Turns out the whole film was just a cynical attempt at selling toys, like a lot of children's media of the 80s. Either way, this film was delightfully bad. The acting was bad from everyone but especially our lead child and the evil queen who leaves no scenery unchewed. The puppets are terrifying. The hugging thing gets really awkward a lot of the time. The message is muddled. And the kids were pretty committed to watching it actually. Everyone wins.

Spoon Rating: 5 

Afterwards we watched two absolutely wack AI videos - "Harry Potter by Balenciaga" and "Top 5 Steven Hawking AI Videos" - to see if this is a valid route for comedy and they both made us laugh hysterically so this might be a rabbit hole for the future. 

Then we watched as much of the "101 Things to Love About Geissler's" commercial series that we could find, a bunch of short, fairly poor quality videos for a local grocery store. Adam is convinced there is lore there, and we tried to find it. The one of the Sweet Dee dance was particularly good.

The Adventures Of Food Boy [2008]

Were you wondering what the gay brother from High School Musical was doing in between sequels? I have your answer, and you aren't going to like it.

This no-stakes film follows a high school junior who cares more than anything about getting into an Ivy League university so he decides to run for class president in spite of debilitating unpopularity. He gains a bit of notoriety from eating challenges before discovering that he has the power to create food from his hands, a genetic mutation he shares with his grandmother. After winning the vice president title in the middle of the film (and filling a bathroom with lunch meat, bread, and mustard while unable to control his powers), the plot plods along with the mere question of, Will Food Boy maintain his food producing powers or try to give them up on the day they solidify? It is pointless. There's also a side plot with his female friend who has the most obvious crush in the world on him while he's completely oblivious, and there's a teacher who has decided to hate him for being late and he's more a villain than any popular kids. He does "magic tricks" of shooting food at the crowd during a pep rally and of producing food on command at the talent show. He stocks a homeless shelter. He learns about the great history of these food people. And yet, AND YET, he doesn't decide his powers might be useful until he produces some frozen veggies to help out the 35-year-old class president's injury acquired during an ending food fight. Food Boy he shall be forever.

I cannot even imagine the pitch meeting for this film. I cannot even imagine the target demographic for this film. I cannot even imagine an editor trying to plot out this film. I cannot even imagine how these actors who are mostly in their 30s or at least their 20s could have even been cast as high schoolers. And yet, somehow, this film exists. And that counts for something.

Spoon Rating: 5 

Beaks: The Movie [1987]

Somewhere between The Birds and Birdemic, you'll find this. While it has pretty darn good special effects and doesn't have a nearly 10 minute driving scene, there's nothing too much to say here. Birds attack Spain and a journalist who wants better jobs and her cameraman boyfriend investigate. The birds are mostly getting revenge on hunters, bird shooters, and chicken farmers, which we are all for. They suspect it's anger at the humans for climate change. Also, good. Caw caw, motherfucker.

Spoon Rating: 3 

TNT Jackson [1974]

This extremely bland blaxploitation film can be summed up very easily: TNT Jackson goes to Hong Kong to find whoever murdered her brother and finds the murderer pretty randomly just by hanging out with sketchy drug dealers and an undercover cop. A lot of weak martial arts. Some gun fighting. Light boobage. A couple funny over-the-top injuries but otherwise boring and confusing.

More interesting than this film is the life of the lead actress who goes by many names. She was a Playboy playmate, aspired to professional bowling at one point, and is currently a fitness influencer in her 80s who has broken a ton of fitness records for her age. Amazing.

Skip the film, but maybe check out her Instagram?

Spoon Rating: 2