Cool Cat Vs. Dirty Dog - The Virus Wars [2024]

Yes, that date is correct. The movie said it was copyrighted in 2024 so I'm sticking to that story. Also, if this sounds a bit similar to Cool Cats Fights Coronavirus, there's a reason for that. Similar to the Cool Cat Kids Superhero situation, this movie is kind of a retread of the previous film but it's longer and does actually involve some new footage. They seemingly used most of the footage from Cool Cats Fights Coronavirus, but this film is a full hour as opposed to twenty minutes. So what was added to the film? Mostly scenes of Cool Cat and Daddy Derek going to various houses, inspecting them, and selling them. Did you know Derek is a real estate agent? He has to highlight something he does every time that has nothing to do with the plot and that would be of no interest to actual kids. There's also at least one new song, and oh man, these songs just keep getting worse. The plot, by the way, has to do with Dirty Dog creating a new virus with magic after Cool Cat defeats corona in the same way he did in the last film. Dirty Dog has a gopher sidekick that is just a stuffed toy voiced by Savage. In the end, Cool Cat stops this virus too (when the Cool Cat harrier jet dropping napalm apparently couldn't) and The Dog references shooting up a school so Cool Cat Stops A School Shooting could still be on the horizon. 

Ultimately if you want to see one of these weird virus movies, this one is more worth your time than Cool Cats Fights Coronavirus but in isolation, it's pretty meh.

Spoon Rating: 4

Blood Shack or The Chooper [1971]

 From the guy who brought us The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies, we have Blood Shack, originally known as The Chooper. That is not a spelling error for Chopper. The film is barely an hour long and pretty easy to summarize. There's an abandoned shack in the desert that is supposed to be haunted by The Chooper, a being who kills everyone who enters. The shack is kind of guarded by a shirtless man named Daniel who buries people after they're killer there but isn't actually the killer. After a dumb girl who decides to stay there alone and subsequently dies, the owner of the land comes to check it out. She has a guy who keeps badgering her to sell it but she refuses. Then she goes to the rodeo a bunch. More people die from just getting close to the shack, and Daniel dutifully buries them for some reason. Finally the landowner is attacked by the Chooper and his mask is taken off to reveal that it was the guy who wanted the land. Obviously. Daniel also gets stabbed by him and dies.

The was actually pretty funny from an acting and directing stance. It's also pretty short so even if you don't like it much, it won't last long. Afterwards we watched a pasta maker infomercial that was okay.

Spoon Rating: 6

Replica [2005]

Gosh darn it, James Nguyen has done it again. This is his second film, shot in between Julie & Jack and Birdemic, and it's somehow so much more poorly made than either of them. Unfortunately, we'll never get anything this pure again since the only films he made after 2010 were sequels full of self-referential humor in the way of Sharknado. The undiluted bad movie beauty is gone. Cherish it.

The film is only an hour long but like his other two movies the first act is way longer than the rest of the film so you don't even hit the second act until more than halfway through the film. It follows a generic everyman who just got a heart transplant made from stem cell cloning; the opening plot description tells us regular cloning is illegal. He's a salesman and, because every one of these movies needs a romance with a blonde girl, he creeps on his doctor until she relents. Creeps on is the accurate expression here; he has even less game than the everymen in the other two films and she absolutely would have blocked him. After some bland dates and a Chinese expression that was utterly baffling and that online research could not verify the existence of, the doctor woman dies in a car crash. Not long after, he sees a brunette girl who looks just like her except she has a tramp stamp with her name, Claudia, and is always wearing low rise bottoms with her bellybutton piercing out (oh, 2005). At least now her intense vocal fry doesn't feel so incongruous. He creeps on this girl too and she dates him instead of macing him and then has the absolute six-feet-under level of self esteem to change her hair and clothes to look like his dead girlfriend, all while being offended that he can't seem to love her for her. Girl, this is what you signed up for when you decided to date this lunatic. In the last fifteen minutes we find out she actually is a clone of the doctor and she was made by the doctor's evil coworker for . . . reasons. Adam had theorized that she would be cloned to finish some project or something, but we literally get no explanation. Everyman and Clone go to destroy the cloning machine and tell the evil doctor beforehand what they're going to do so he pulls a gun on them. A cop shoots down the evil doctor, but the clone gets killed in the process. 

This film has everything: audio feedback, sub-Neil-Breen level green screen, skim milk level acting, Tippi Hedren footage on the television all the time, non-sex scenes, A BIRD. It's so worth a watch, and with the short run time you can even pair it with some wack commercials like we did including the TiddyBear and UroClub. Look them up.

Spoon Rating: 8