Chopping Mall [1986]

[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]

There should have been a movie night on Halloween. There should have been a good movie night actually. Unfortunately, Sarah ended up in the hospital after an allergic reaction and Kay had the flu so no one was ready to party. At least we managed to pick up Bad Movie Night again the week after with "Chopping Mall," a clear winner from the title. In the same way that "The Skateboard Kid" epitomized the 90s aesthetic, this movie WAS the 80s. It was also a ripoff of "Dawn Of The Dead" and "Repo Cop" in the form of waist-high robot mall cops that are about as intimidating as a dalek wearing a flower crown.

A new mall, 80s church, has a great solution to the problem of shoplifters: a crew of robots that will stun anyone who doesn't flash a valid employee ID. There's no way this could go wrong, right? After hours, a quadruple date goes on that involves the three of the four established couples having sex in display beds while the two people on a blind date watched "Attack of the Crab Monsters." Since we have fairly recently watched "Attack of the Crab Monsters," we immediately predicted the rest of the movie to follow a similar pattern to that one. Somehow a thunder storm causes the robots to become killing machines and they go after the fornicators. The least likable couple dies first: dude gets his throat destroyed, girl gets her head blown up. Then comes the stupid couple. The survivors confuse the robots with mannequins but it doesn't solve everything. The married couple dies heroically since they weren't sinning as much. The final girl sets the last robot on fire and the bad movie watchers come out alive. As well they should.

Overall this movie is very silly and adheres very strictly to the three act formula but the actual worst thing about it: no chopping. None whatsoever. These robots shoot lasers and pinch but they don't ever chop. 

Spoon Rating: 3