1990: The Bronx Warriors [1982]

[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]

There is a grand tradition in the bad movie world of Italian rip-offs of Hollywood movies. While seemingly not as common now as it was in the 80s, you still get parodies of the concept like "Italian Spiderman." These knock-offs often have the same basic idea as the original but a lower budget and very strange acting choices. Italian rip-offs aren't always bad, though. "A Fistful of Dollars" was pretty much an unauthorized remake of Kurosawa's "Yojimbo" and both are really great, iconic films. This movie is not one of those exceptions. 

If you want the plot, combine "Mad Max" with "Escape From New York" with "The Warriors." In the super futuristic world of 1990, the Bronx has become a gang controlled wasteland that the law can't touch. A girl who is supposed to be 17 but looks about 30, runs away from Manhattan to the Bronx to hide from her inheritance of a sketchy company that controls everything. She meets up with a motorcycle gang and starts dating the head of the gang, Trash, a guy who is only capable of wearing the tightest pants and 70% of a shirt and looks like an Italian Hayden Christensen in face and acting ability. Trash and his collection of hair metal band rejects become involved in a gang war staged to try to get that supposedly teenage girl back to her family. Motorcycle gang teams up with a Rolls Royce gang and they fight other, more evil gangs like the Zombies and a "Mortal Kombat" boss. Eventually, the cops, or a cop gang, shows up and tries to off everyone while the leader of the cops cackles like the villain he is. The ending is unclear.

While this movie had some comically over-the-top moments, a lot of the time we were spacing out and trying to gather the plot afterwards. The dialogue is odd and fixated on butts for some reason, the editing leads to illogical cuts, the aesthetic of the movie is more "Return to Oz" than "Mad Max," and, as can be expected of Iow-budget Italian films, it's strangely dubbed. 

Quotes:
"It could be a pile of shit out of someone's asshole!"

Adam's Grandma's Review: "I agree with everyone else."

Spoon Rating: 3