Project: Kill [1976]

This movie is not worth it; pulling off the bandage right now. It's really boring. Adam had to take Jade out of the room and we were all envious of how he managed to miss the whole thing.

The plot starts and you think it's going to be something completely different than it is. Leslie Nielsen is in charge of a group of super soldiers who are being juiced by the government. He decides to defect from the group so he stops taking his drugs and runs away to Manila. There he meets up with some old 'Nam buddies and then starts a bland relationship with a woman at his hotel. His former second in command goes looking for him and has some female sidekick that he has a completely not-believable enemies to lovers relationship with. There are also some gangstery guys looking for Nielsen. Eventually the second finds him, kills him, recoups the drugs, and then decides to just throw them in the water and not complete his job. AFTER killing his former boss. Wild. Stupid.

This film was boring. The lighting was kind of funny-bad for a second in the beginning but, oh man, that was all to say.

Spoon Rating: 1

REWATCH: Fight Of Fury [2020]

Tonight we rewatched Fight of Fury because we had Sarah's uncles as guests. Read the original review here. By the way, still no signs of a sequel.

Starcrash [1978]

Looking at the title and the date, it's painfully obvious what this movie is a ripoff of. The very beginning even starts out with the same ship shot but with a really crappy looking model. The film, however, isn't too much like Star Wars outside of a death star type device that needs to be destroyed, light sabers, and a robot sidekick. Otherwise, it just feels like it fits a lot of general sci-fi conventions (that Star Wars probably established honestly). That being said, this movie is very funny and definitely worth a watch.

Our main character is the scantily clad woman on the cover, redundantly named Stella Star. Along with her sidekick, the curiously magic most 70s man to ever exist, and a Southern robot named L (or El? Who knows?), they have to destroy the not-death-star and find Christopher Plummer's son, David Hasselhoff. Yes, they are both in this movie. We're hoping Plummer got a lot of money for his five minutes of screen time. There's a villain with an extremely square head who leaves no piece of scenery unchewed and some of the worst models and effects you could hope for shown with the upmost earnestness. The plot has some detours with Amazons only wearing slightly more clothes than our main character, an ice planet, and some troglodytes, but they eventually find themselves on the not-death-star and meet the Hoff. The last twenty minutes are a battle sequence full of wut where the galaxy is saved. 

Part of what makes this movie a joy outside of the effects and the blatant idea theft is the genuine feeling of it all. The actors are really trying. The sets are probably cheap, but thought is there. The costumes are silly, but they look more like costumes than just garbage thrown together from the back of someone's closet. The hair and makeup is actually really good. They have some real actors in this. Our lead I immediately clocked as a former spokesmodel because although she clearly has a modeling background, she can actually read her lines even if her tone is mostly just "enthusiastic" regardless of the situation. They really tried, and I respect it.

Spoon Rating: 6

Never Too Young To Die [1986]

Last week we didn't have bad movie night because of Halloween movie night, so we resumed tonight with Never Too Young To Die, a movie starring a young John Stamos, a peak Vanity, and Gene Simmons playing an evil intersex person because, yay, representation? Eep.

Evil Gene wants to use his evil squad of BDSM bikers to threaten to poison the water supply for money. The chip with his evil plans is in the hands of Stargrove, a former James Bond who is killed by the evil squad. His son, Stamos, then inherits everything and has to dodge the goons, which he is apparently great at because he's a gymnast. He meets Vanity who used to work for his father, and after about 40 minutes we get the funniest seduction scene ever. Eventually Gene gets the evil device and he and Stamos have a fight on the Hoover Dam that leads to Gene going overboard. There's also the minor character of Stamos' genius roommate who makes a bunch of weapons and stuff and a goon with a very obvious wig and fake beard who turns out to be Gene Simmons in disguise. Oh, and lots of tongue-based kissing. Lots.

This movie was pretty weird and had some really solid dummy use. It's also a really strange entry into the history of transphobic media. It's not amazing, but it's not a waste of time.

Spoon Rating: 5