The Giant Spider Invasion [1975]

[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]

It has been a little while since we have watched a movie so universally disliked by everyone at Bad Movie Night. This movie wasn't like all the movies we had watched that were just painful; its only crime really was being dull. And the great boredom it instilled in all of us was not helped by the fact that Sarah had to leave in the middle for an emergency, meaning we had to struggle to fill her in on the plot when she got back.

There isn't really a plot so much as a bunch of subplots surrounding this one town. There's the Skipper from "Gilligan's Island" being the ditzy sheriff, two sisters: one drunk and married to an unfaithful redneck, some fire and brimstone preacher who everyone wants to shut up, and an astrophysicist and sexist guy from NASA who basically run around doing nothing while trying to figure out the source of the spider invasion and how to end it. From what little Sarah seemed to gather, the spiders came from a black hole (?!) and they need to overfeed and then blow up the head spider in order to end the invasion. Truthfully, the title is false advertising. We were expecting tons of giant spiders but really we got a bunch of regular-sized tarantulas, one medium-sized Halloween decoration, and one giant spider that seemed to be attached to the top of a car. The giant spider ate the redneck. It was the only satisfying part of the movie.

With a half hour left in the movie, we paused it for a wake-up intermission that consisted of Adam playing us disturbing commercials from the 1950s since this movie seemed like it should be from the 50s. They included a sexist Folgers one and a cereal commercial with a clown that Grandma liked but keep in mind this woman literally has a room in her house that is full of clowns. We decided this was way more fun than the movie so we watched the last half hour on 1.5 speed and then watched a bunch of offensive instructional videos from the 1950s including ones on women in the workplace (they're inherently detail-oriented, don't you know?), "How to Undress For Your Husband" (make it artful for both your husband and the guy peeking through your keyhole), and "Boys Beware! Homosexuals Are On The Prowl!" (the gay is a contagious mental disorder like smallpox and all men who talk to young boys want to rape and murder them). We learned a lot today.

Quotes:
"The only way I know you're still alive is when you flush the toilet."

"What did the preacher talk about?"
"Sin."
"What'd he say about it?"
"He was against it."

BMN Quote:
Video: "He told many off-color jokes."
Kay: "But they weren't considered racist because it was the 50s and racism was okay."
Adam: "So they were colored jokes?"
[insert everyone groaning and chastizing Adam]

Adam's Grandma's Review: "It's boring."