Thankskilling [2009]

[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]

"I'm sure we could make a better movie than this." - Kay

I don't think I even need to justify this movie with an introduction when I have the picture of the DVD cover to the left. Yes, the film literally opens on a boob. Yes, the phrase "gobble, gobble, motherfucker" is said by a turkey hand puppet. Yes, this movie is dreadfully self-aware about it being a joke, a fact we were not aware of because we only chose the movie based off the title. Here's the problem with movies like this: they bill them as so stupid they're funny but they are rarely actually funny. Movies that are actually so stupid they're funny usually aren't trying hard to be funny and lack self-awareness. Or they just are funny like "Inhuman Resources". Can we as a culture stop trying to make intentionally bad movies happen? They are polluting a world that already has organically bad movies that are so much more enjoyable.

After some boobs and an opening theme peppered with gobbling sounds, we are introduced to our "Cabin In The Woods"-textbook-perfect cast of stereotypes on their way home for Thanksgiving break: The Whore, The Athlete, The Scholar, The Fool (in this case a redneck), and The Virgin. One night they decide to camp in the woods and The Scholar warns them about an evil turkey that arises every 505 years to kill and they kind of laugh it off until a hermit validates their story. The Turkey, foul-mouthed, offering sex for rides, and killing people with shotguns, then goes around murdering their parents and screwing and killing The Whore. He also disguises himself as The Virgin's father by fashioning a skin mask. Remember that this is a regular-sized turkey hand puppet. Death to the suspension of disbelief. The turkey kills The Fool which prompts The Scholar who is only in the "cool group" by way of their friendship to have a long flashback montage of their good times with a stupid friendship song playing. Then The Fool and The Athlete get offed by a radioactive Turkey after they fail to kill him properly. The Virgin triumphs in the end with the help of the hermit and eats a radioactive, 505-year-old turkey leg in celebration. We all wonder how this movie was only an hour.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Kill as many turkeys as possible for the good of us all.

Quotes:
"I'm gonna drink your blood like cranberry sauce, bitch!"

[After a guy's parents are killed]
"Why? WHY? No pumpkin pie! No cranberry sauce! Just turkey!"

[End screen]
"To be continued . . . IN SPACE!"

There was also a song actually titled "Bad 80s Ballad."

Adam's Grandma's Review: She didn't really have one. She just let Adam apologize profusely to her.