Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Cool Cat Saves The Kids [2014]

[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]

The members of the Bad Movie Night crew in their mid-20s have memories of McGruff the Crime Dog as the main anthropomorphic animal giving out life lessons of their childhood. He sang songs about just saying no to drugs with no discussion of the complexity of societal pressures and he acted a lot like a detective with his trench coat and ability to sniff out wrong doing. Plus, he was a bloodhound who managed to be both huggable and command a sense of authority. In retrospect, he was actually kind of cool but this was probably because a lot of his really baffling 80s drug songs weren't played for us in the early-mid 90s. Now imagine someone wanted to create a new McGruff for the modern child. 

Enter Cool Cat. Cool Cat is relentlessly, oppressively enthusiastic at all times and in spite of being a giant anthropomorphic cat, is supposed to be a kid. Cool Cat spends his days playing pretending games or building in a sandbox with his friend Maria (who seems too old to play in sandboxes and do kids even do that anymore?) while getting bullied, both cyber and IRL, by a blonde kid with a lisp. In the middle of this, Cool Cat goes to Hollywood and has a float in the parade for which he and his father, Cool Cat creator Derek Savage, write songs. Cool Cat dabbles in rock, rap, and salsa music and pretty much exclusively sings about how cool he is while Savage does guitar solos to show off his signed Van Halen guitar. Pro tip: kids have no idea what you're talking about, Savage, and don't care. Later, Cool Cat and Maria are taught lessons in fending off bullies by Vivica A. Fox (her advice? scream at the bully til they get embarrassed and run away) and a visibly drunk Erik Estrada who somehow wasn't cast the play the cop. The bully ends up getting his hands on a gun and more effectively steals candy from babies, an actual explanation of his crimes from the movie, without any real explanations of the hard consequences associated with playing with guns or the dangers of someone who hates you getting their hands on one. Bully gets arrested and doesn't get bailed out because he has crappy parents and Cool Cat, Maria, and Bully's former conspirator laugh at his misfortune.

This Movie fails as an educational video in so many ways that I need to list them:
  • Cool Cat is a huge narcissist. He has posters of himself all over his walls and is always talking or singing about why he's the coolest. Kids becoming more and more narcissistic is actually an increasing problem in today's society.
  • After explaining the importance of looking both ways before crossing the street, Cool Cat deliberately runs across the street without looking both ways to try to stop the bully.
  • There is repeated instance on the fact that bullies don't have any friends, which we all know is often false, or that not having friends may even make you a bully, which is soul-crushing for kids who have trouble making friends.
  • The bully clearly has a bad home life. This is not discussed as a problem kids may need to face that could have an effect on a kid's behavior towards others.
  • Derek Savage says that if you find a gun, tell an adult in charge and they will decide if they need to call the police. Parents should probably just call the police.
  • The movie encourages taking pleasure in the misfortunes of others.
  • In spite of trying to be inclusive with both English and Spanish in songs, his Spanish pronunciation is pretty bad.
  • Cool Cat's mom is an anthropomorphic cat wearing the same suit as Cool Cat. Not only did this lead to bad split screen editing and weird dubbing but it promotes a furry lifestyle. Just say no to inter-species sex.
"Breaking News: we have terrible news!"
"I have so much to do before that! What should I do?"
"That darn Vivica A. Fox and Erik Estrada messed it up!"

Adam's Grandma's Review: It was *two thumbs down motion*.

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