The Phantom [1996]

[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]

The people of Bad Movie Night can't be the only ones in the world feeling superhero fatigue right now. There are just so many hero movies out and so many more coming and some of us have given up. Adam is boycotting going to the theater until he can see a movie in the theater that isn't "loud" (it's hard being an 80-year-old trapped in a 26-year-old's body) and Kay only cares about "Suicide Squad" ("If they mess up Harley Quinn I swear to God . . ."). Sarah and Grandma haven't expressed explicit feelings but neither seem particularly into anything going on right now with the genre. Only Keith seems to be keeping up at all, having recently gone to see "Ant Man." Funny how the promise of Billy Zane in a ridiculous purple unitard can change so many minds and hearts.

In a blink-and-you-missed-it backstory that we kept making Sarah explain to us over and over and which I fully understand now after using Wikipedia, the Phantom was a boy who watched his parents get murdered by a pirate brotherhood when he was little and then grew up on an island where tribesmen essentially made him fight for justice. The title of the Phantom and his sweet skull cave was then passed down from generation to generation until we find ourselves in 1938 with Phantom #21 Kit Walker. Other than the pirate crew who still lives on to this day hating the Phantom, the big bad is a New York businessman named Xander Drax (probably not his birth name) who wants to find three special ancient skulls to get power, ultimate power, which he gets through, essentially, piracy. The love interest is Diana Palmer who is an explorer trying to discover the motives of the big bad, the daughter of another New York businessman, and Kit Walker's college ex. Ultimately all three, plus Catherine Zeta-Jones who was a minion of Drax but switched sides out of nowhere possibly she was hot for either The Phantom or Diana but we're not quite sure, end up in the lair of the pirate brotherhood and fight for the last skull. The bad guy is sufficiently punched by the good guy and the Phantom and Diana ride a horse on the beach for the second time in the movie before she admits that she knew who he was all along, kisses him, and leaves him for Catherine Zeta-Jones. Presumably if there had been a sequel she would have returned to the island to help create Phantom #22.

This movie is campy as hell and full of superhero and action movie cliches which made it a delightful watch. Treat Williams as Drax is delicious, delicious ham, Billy Zane is mostly awkwardness with an occasion pose, and Catherine Zeta-Jones is a horny Bond villain. The best part of this film? Glorious 1930s costumes and art deco decor. The actual best part of the film? When the Phantom and Diana exit a biplane onto the Phantom's horse who had been summoned by the Phantom's pet wolf.

Here are some photos to emphasize my points:

Not an Indian Jones ripoff at all.

Awkward posing in place of words.

Enough said.

Quotes:

"Gosh, you're pretty in those woodsy flannels."

"Your dog is a wolf."

"I know!" *poses*
 

"He won't die. I know. I killed him once."
 

"What's your name and why do you want that skull so badly?"

"Kit Walker."

"And who's Kit Walker?"

"I am!"

 

Adam's Grandma's Review: "I liked it."