Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Santa Claus Conquers The Martians [1964]

[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]

The second film we watched last night was the classic "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians." Because the Martian race teaches their children everything they need to know about life right away, the children don't really have a childhood and this longing leads to copious amounts of TV watching. The Martians consult the elder wise man Martain who says he say this coming and, like an ass, didn't warn anyone. He tells them that the children need a Santa-like figure to help them reclaim the childhood they never got. So what's the solution? Kidnap two human children to get some authority on the matter and use them to kidnap Santa Claus. Santa sets up a toy factory on Mars, using the human and Martian children as slave labor, and teaches everyone the true meaning of consumerism. Hooray for Santy Claus! (This happens to be the theme song for the movie and it is soul-deadening). There's also plenty of wacky hijinks involving one of the Martians who particularly hates fun trying to kill Santa and the children or at least ruin their toy factory. Wacky fun.

You know what though? No one gets conquered. I guess the children sort of do but really from the title we were all hoping for some kind of Il Duce Santa Dictator situation and were sorrowfully disappointed.

Adam's Grandma's Review: "Just about slightly better than 'Crazy Fat Ethel 2'."

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