Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star [2011]

[Cross-posted on the Bad Movie Night Facebook page.]

With a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes and one of the production companies being Happy Madison (Adam Sandler's company) we were preparing ourselves for something truly difficult to behold but, oh, we weren't prepared for something this heinous. If you had told us a week ago that we would watch a movie so painful that it would make us wish we were rewatching "Christmas Vacation 2", we'd probably cry shenanigans. But this movie is all that and so much more.

"Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star" is a festering boil on the face of cinema. The plot, if you could call the unnecessary compilation of inexplicable Sandler characters and grade-school humor events a plot, is about Bucky, a dumb buck-toothed Iowan, deciding that his destiny is to be in porn after discovering that his parents were famous porn stars in the 70s. He finds a love interest in a waitress at a diner, a psychotic roommate, and that he manages to make a career out of premature ejaculation and his unnaturally small genitalia. That's it. That's the movie. And it's even worse than the description makes it sound. Trust me.

Because this movie has been so panned, we decided to try to make a list of things we actually liked about it and this is what we got:

• The pig in the back of the bus to Hollywood
• The interior of the diner
• Christina Ricci, who tries really, really hard to care about the role and apparently needs money since she decided to be in this
• "Here It Goes Again" by OK Go
• The fact that Jimmy Fallon had a five second cameo because that's probably all they could afford

This movie is just offensive. It's offensive to film, the film industry, people from the upper Midwest, porn actors, waitresses, people who need braces, YouTube, people who enjoy sex, people who enjoy life, and humanity in general. That someone could make this movie, that MANY people could make this movie, should really call into question whether or not there is any good or taste in the world at all. This movie will make you think existential things once it has beaten you into submission and you have moved past being offended and ashamed.

Don't watch this movie. We only got through it on the idea that it was a hurdle to jump.

Summarizing Quotes:

"It was."

"Fuck him. He's getting paid."

"Am I in the fucking Twilight Zone?"

Keith Quotes:

(to his mother) "Don't tell anyone I made you watch this movie. There are laws against elder abuse."

(on almost watching Batman & Robin) "How I long for Chris O'Donnell."

Adam Quote: "You do realize that there's some 13-year-old out there who claims this as his favorite movie, right?"

Adam's Grandma's Review: "Burn it!"