Monday, January 1, 2024

Lycan Colony [2006]

We were going to watch a movie by the maker of Things, but we couldn't find it for free so instead we switched to this one: Lycan Colony. It was a perfectly good switch!

The film is kind of weird to follow but we have a family with an alcoholic surgeon dad, a not-Jennifer Coolidge mom, and a teen son. The teen son is tempted into a graveyard by a neighbor girl who bites him and her starts werewolving (but his costume looks a bit more like a puppy). The dad attends AA meetings that people drink at. Later in a bar we encounter siblings on the hunt for their missing hunter dad and we discover that the bartender is an evil werewolf cannibal. It turns out, this town is full of werewolves and the AA meetings are actually about abstaining from eating people. One of the wolves helps the family adjust to their puppy!son and then takes the sister to meet a witch whose magic is distributed through her tongue. We have a final battle of witch versus bartender and somehow the brother of the siblings gets resurrected or something. End on a happy werewolf community.

This film is hilarious. There is liberal use of all the worst special effects: a protected tattoo, green screen, cheap transitions, sped up or slowed down footage, weird use of coloring (the redwoods are just a red filter!) everything. The acting is really bad: stilted or overly dramatic or strangely accented. The camerawork is often inexplicable with freezes and zooms that are clearly meant to heighten drama but feel like punchlines. This film is so solid; you have to give it a watch. Two paws up.

Spoon Rating: 7

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